He's (almost!!) our son!!!

Back at his school before saying goodbye

Today was our court appointment, and everything went smoothly.  It is hard to imagine that all of this is really happening and that we are only (hopefully!) less than two weeks to having Sergey as our son.  Today still kind of seems surreal, but I will try to paint a bit of a picture - again, I wish every single one of you could have been here with us, but since you weren't, I'll try to tell you about it :-).

We got up this morning and headed to meet Alyona and Svetlana at the notaries office.  We got a form filled out and notarized and then hopped in the car to head for Sergey's orphanage. We picked him up, as well as his social worker, and drove to court, about an hour away.  Our appointment was at 2:00, and we got there exactly at 2 :-).  We had to wait a bit for the second witness, but I think we got started around 2:30 and the whole thing lasted about an hour, including the time when the judge and jury (the two witnesses) left for deliberation.  Alyona did a great job of preparing us for exactly what we would be experiencing, so it didn't really feel scary, just a little bizarre.

I can tell you more about it later, but since we have to be up in about 5 hours to fly home (feels like we LITERALLY just got off the plane here), I might keep this a bit shorter than usual ;-) - I know, I know, hard to believe.  But I'll try :-).

There is one image that will always remain in my mind when I think of today: that of Sergey, standing there by himself on the stand, answering the judge's questions.  I didn't realize that he would be questioned so much - I had thought it would be mainly me and Clint.  I thought the questions that the judge asked us were pretty straightforward - most of it was just "busywork," reading the court applications, etc.  The part that made my heart want to leap out of my chest was watching my (almost official) son standing there.

The judge asked him some straightforward questions as well, but he also asked a few that caught me off guard, and broke my heart at the same time, questions like "How do you feel about this family adopting you? (he said he loves us :-), by the way :-), and "How old were you when you found out your father was dead?"  He answered them all so calmly, with such poise, and with such amazing honesty and beauty. I was so proud of him it literally took all of the self-control I have to not jump up and squeeze the stuffing out of him.

The one question that I think literally caused me to stop breathing, though, was this: "Why do you think your mom never came to visit you in the orphanage all of those years?"  I think until that moment I had not really let it sink in what has happened to this sweet boy in his lifetime.  He is so kind, so content, so resilient, so easy-going, that I just don't really think very often about what his life has looked like.  To see him stand up on that stand, in his white sweater, his new hair cut, standing up so straight and tall - it gripped my heart and made me feel like I couldn't take a breath.  The heart ache and the love and the pride and the amazement - all wrapped up in one moment - it is hard to even put into words.

The one question that the judge asked me that did take me a bit by surprise and will truly stick with me was this: "Will you ever look back and wish you hadn't done this? Will you ever regret adopting this boy?"  As you can imagine, I was able to answer that very quickly :-).  However, the hard part in answering it was that after I told the judge adamantly NO I will never regret it, I wanted so desperately to turn around to Sergey and say it to him as well.  I wanted to look him in the eye, to repeat it to him, to make sure that he knows that NO MATTER WHAT we will absolutely NEVER regret this decision. We will NEVER wish that we hadn't adopted him. We will ALWAYS love him, and he will ALWAYS be our son.  NO MATTER WHAT.

The hard truth is that we don't know whether or not he will ever really truly be able to believe that.  Most likely, he will struggle, we will struggle, and we will all struggle together. At this point, we don't know the size or extent of that struggle, but I don't think that many teenage adoptions - or any adoptions, or any kids living through their teenage years in general ;-) - go perfectly smoothly.  There will be things that will be hard, and we don't know whether or not he will ever truly believe that we love him.  We don't know if he will ever be able to really love us in return.  We don't know if he will ever truly feel like a part of our family, or if he will ever feel like this is really his home.  He may leave our family at some point, we could possibly come to a point where he leaves our family for good without keeping in touch (this has happened to PLENTY of loving, wonderful families who have adopted children).  He may end up on the streets, he may end up in an institution, he may end up moving back to Ukraine when he turns 18.  Honestly, I don't think any of these sad things will happen, and I am super hopeful that all of the good loving things WILL happen, but I am willing (I think) to face the honest reality that they really might.  If you base it on statistics of children adopted as teens, there is a decent chance that sad things could happen.

But what I want to say here at this point, to myself, to my family, to each of you, is what I said to that judge today, what I wished I could say to Sergey today: We will NEVER wish we had not adopted this boy.  Obviously, we hope and pray that there is never a day where he does not feel loved by us. We pray that he will feel 100% part of our family, that he will find a place in our world, that one day he will be able to have a job, and to get married, and to have a family of his own.  We pray for him peace, and happiness, and especially that he will come to know Jesus very soon.  HOWEVER, even if none of those things happen, if we don't get the Blind Side ending (that's for you Kelly Cecil :-), we will NEVER wish we had not done this.  We are certain that God has brought Sergey into our lives - I don't think you could read the posts on this blog and not be convinced as well - and we are certain that He has brought him to us for good.  No matter what happens from here on out, we will never look back and say that we were wrong in that decision. When we do doubt, or struggle, or cry, or falter, we know that you all will be there for us, to hold us up, to hold Sergey up, just as you have during this entire adventure so far.  It will be hard for him, much much MUCH harder than for us - he is the one who is leaving behind everything he has ever known.  He is coming to a land with a new language, new food, new smells, new everything.  We are so grateful for you all to be loving him with us, to allow him to become the young man that God is going to call him to be.  We are going to try oh so very hard to give him freedom - to love him like crazy but let him find his own path in the midst of that love, and we are so VERY VERY grateful that the love will be coming at him from all directions.  THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for being in this with us.  We could not POSSIBLY be more grateful for our family, friends, church family, and community.

PS - Quick follow up on details for those of you who like the facts - we will wait 10 days (business days, with a holiday in there as well) before he officially becomes our son. At that time, Clint will go to pick him up at the orphanage. They will do some errands like picking up his birth certificate, getting his medical exams done, getting his passport, etc, and then they will head home.  And THEN the party will begin :-).

In front of the courthouse after our appointment :-)