We Need a Miracle

As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, for any child trying to be adopted from Ukraine there is a very large possibility that he/she will say "no" when asked if they want to be adopted, especially for the older teens like Sergey.  There are so very many factors going into this, all of which are completely understandable.  These children are being asked to leave absolutely everything they have EVER known; family, friends, food, language, weather, smells, sights, everything, to go somewhere that is so foreign it might as well be another planet.  Imagine yourself as a teenager, being asked to make an irrevocable decision, to leave all that you know to go live on the moon.  How hard would that be? I think that their decision is even harder, because they have no one to guide/parent them through this decision, and they have no real way of knowing what life will really be like in their new home.  They have all been told plenty of lies about what life will be like, by folks who do not want what is best for them.  This is the reality that Sergey is facing right now.

If all goes as we had expected, we will travel for our first trip to Ukraine in early March.  On this trip, he will have to write out an official statement declaring his desire to be adopted by our family.  For the sake of Sergey's privacy I will not give any details, but I want to share with you that he is indeed struggling deeply with this decision.  We knew all along this would likely be an issue, and now it is time to face this battle head on.

We truly believe that Sergey is in the middle of a battle for his soul.  Where he lives is a very dark place, spiritually.  Jesus can meet people wherever they are, but there are very few people who love Jesus where Sergey is, and he has no real exposure to the Gospel.  If he is not adopted, the place he lives will become much darker, and we are certain that is exactly where Satan would like him to be.  Knowing that we are in a battle means we need soldiers, and that is why we are sharing this information and pleading for your help.  We believe in the power of prayer.  We believe our Lord hears us when we cry out, and so we are asking you to cry out with us.  Just like we've mobilized armies of folks to shop on Amazon and collect old shoes, so now we are looking for folks to pray for the soul of our boy.

Just as we did with the link and the shoes, we would ask you to tell all of your praying friends, family, and neighbors about our plea.  Every bit of this journey has been a community effort - let's bring our boy home as a community, believers from all over who have fallen in love with this boy and long to see the plans that God has for his life.

In order to be sure that he is being covered in prayer each day from now until we travel, I have set up a Sign Up Genius http://www.signupgenius.com/go/30E0E4DADAF2BA13-pray. Feel free to sign up once or as many times as you like.  This will be a concrete way for us to encourage each other, not forget to pray (they will send you a reminder), and can serve as a beautiful monument to show Sergey when, God willing, he is here with us for good, just how faithfully he has been loved, and by so very many people.  Feel free to post on Facebook or on this blog any verses of encouragement you have, or to let us know how God is leading you to pray  Obviously our family is struggling in the midst of this as well, and your prayers and words are precious to us.  Feel free to share with your churches and Bible studies - we want to send up a loud cry to the ears of our God Who Hears.

Here are a few that I have been praying:

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you.  He will be with you, he will neither fail you nor abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:8

"But Jesus spoke to them at once, "Don't be afraid," he said, "Take courage.  I am here!" Matthew 14:27

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."  Hebrews 11:1

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Week Four report

I left off the last post with the boys heading out to school after the second of two two-hour delays.  Wednesday Sergey went to the dentist - one cavity and one almost cavity, which we will wait to fill until he comes and is on our insurance (the dentist said they are super small and he should be fine to wait a few months).  He did NOT want to go - the look he gave me when I told him we were going was the most negative I've ever seen from him, but it still had that little smile behind it, and he still went willingly.  The amazing thing was this - we took him to the dentist when he was here LAST YEAR.  We recently had to change insurance companies and our old dentist was not on our plan, so we switched dentists. When I took a turn towards the new office, he pointed straight ahead, which is the direction you would take to our old dentist office.  I told you - the kid is crazy smart.

I won't elaborate here about something that happened on Wednesday, but I will say that we ended up having a deeper talk with Sergey than we ever have had before, on Thursday morning, due to what happened. I had asked several close friends to pray for us because of how nervous I was about how it would go, and God was SOOOO gracious and faithful.  It was a great conversation, that I feel really helped us get to know our boy better, to see who he really is, and to connect to him in a new way. I literally felt like a new person on Thursday after the conversation (we went to see Emmanuel so he could help translate), and was just beyond grateful for the mercy of our God.  In response to my email request for prayer, one of my friends responded with these words that God had brought to her while praying with some other friends that night, and they spoke right to my heart. I feel like they would be helpful for anyone in a position of fear/doubt/uncertainty, so I will share them with you :-):

God hears your groaning

He remembers the covenant and his promises to you

You (and me!) ask questions "who am I to handle this"...God says, "I will be with you". 

God softens the oppressors

God sees his children and is concerned

God is the one who leads heart to repent

Just when the Israelites thought they were trapped, God moved, God rescued, parted the @&$:+# waters and swallowed evil whole. You have all this and more in Christ....sheeze, I need to believe this too tonight!! 

Wednesday was my dad's birthday, so we all went to Charlottesville to watch UVA play Wake Forest. We had been inspired by the great WFU victory over UNC earlier that week, but unfortunately a different team showed up and we were trounced - at the time we left we were down by 30 points!!!  Thankfully, it was still a really fun night - got to have dinner with Mimi and Poppy and enjoy time with them.  We also got to ride in Poppy's enormous new car - it seats 12 people, so we are already planning lots of family trips together :-).

Thursday was a great day. The weather was gorgeous, and after our talk with Emmanuel we came home and had lunch and just enjoyed being here until it was time to do our rounds and pick up all the other kids :-).  We did Rosetta Stone that afternoon since we wouldn't be home that night, and he is really getting so good.  He is just so smart and I know he is going to pick it up so quickly. That evening some dear friends came over for dinner and it was truly perfect. I would like to share some of the words that she sent me in an email later that night, so that you can see that we are not the only ones in love with this boy (plus I just think she really gets him :-).

You can just tell (even with the language barrier) that he's humble, compassionate, and that he loves people...loves to be around them, interact, play with kids, animals, etc.  He is respectful, and not in a way that feels fake or like he's putting on a front.  He truly CARES about what others think and how they feel.  Just the way he looks at people...you can see in his eyes that he's kind and receptive. It was so sweet how he hung around all evening and kept coming back to sit at the table to be with us.  Even when we really didn't talk to him and the rest of the kids had left.  I was SO sad that I couldn't just talk to him...and my heart broke a little because i longed for him to be able to join in conversation and not feel left out.  but he genuinely seemed to just love being there with us and that just made me smile on the inside.  he is truly your son...in every way.

After dinner, Clint and Sam headed down to basketball practice and Liv, Sergey, Harry and I went to see the Hobbit.  Some very kind friends had given us movie passes for Christmas, so we took those and went for a fun evening.  At the time we had planned to go it was only in 3-D, so I saw my first 3-D movie ever.  It was pretty awesome - I think Sergey really liked it.  It was fun to see him move in his seat in response to things coming at him - especially in the Spiderman preview.  And then when we got home he had me take a picture of him in his glasses - they were a big hit :-).

Friday, after staying out super late at the movies, Sergey slept until almost 11:00!!!  When he came down, I said "You slept really late!!" and he looked at the clock. His eyes got really big and he said "Oiy!"  It made me laugh :-).  It rained ALL day, and we ran lots of errands and got stuff done (bagging shoes, dropping off/picking up a car for brake work, picking up shoes from various locations, etc.).  Friday early evening we all went up to Burkwood to blow off a little steam from being inside all day.  We had ALL SIX of us lined up in a row on the treadmills - I wish I could have gotten a picture of it :-). He is getting the hang of the treadmill, and ran a pretty quick 3 miles.  Then he did a bunch of weights and machines - I think when he is here for good we will be spending lots of time up there! We finished the evening off with a swim (let me clarify - everyone else swam and I watched ;-), and then had some pizza and headed home.  When we got home Harry and Sam worked on homework while Sergey and I did Rosetta Stone, and then I headed to bed to get ready for what was going to be a big weekend!!!

This weekend was the long-awaited 2nd Annual Jensen-Schmidt Tennis Academy, a tennis camp for folks with disabilities, down at VCU.  I brought them here for the first time last year, and it was truly a major highlight of the year for me (and, I think, for all the volunteers and athletes). Vince Schmidt, the man who volunteers his time to run these camps ever since he had a son with Down syndrome, is absolutely amazing.  I will include a few pictures here, but I have hundreds and every one of them is better than the last.  If you would like to join us next year as a volunteer buddy, please let me know - you will NOT regret it.  Sergey came with me last year on Sunday, but this year he came both days.  He was smiling the whole time and really seemed to enjoy himself.  I am not sure if he has had any exposure to anyone with special needs where he lives, so I am looking forward to being able to talk to him about it one day, once we have the ability to communicate about such things :-).  (Yesterday he saw a picture of a young man with Down syndrome and smiled big and pointed it out to me, so I think he gets it :-). For now, I can tell that he really enjoyed himself, and I absolutely loved having him there.

Saturday we went right from camp to Harry's basketball game, and then came home for a bit. We met some dear friends for dinner at Bass Pro Shop (pic below), which was super fun (and yummy :-).

Saturday night when we left Bass Pro we went to some friends' house and had the perfect evening of fun.  They have a ping pong table, on which we played many games of around-the-world ping pong, almost ALL of which Sergey won (despite each of us trying SO hard to beat him!!!).  Afterwards we headed inside and played Mexican train dominos.  I absolutely LOVE watching him learn new things, and I also always love watching him compete. And finally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE watching some of the people in my life who I love the most starting to fall in love with him too :-).  We stayed so long that Sam passed out on the floor watching football, and probably would have stayed even longer if Clint didn't have to get up and preach the next morning :-).  As an only child, I am so very VERY grateful to God that He continues to place people in my life who are like sisters/brothers to me.

Sunday we left for camp right from church, and then to Harry's basketball game right from camp. When we got home, Sergey headed immediately outside and started playing basketball.  He was still out there long after it got dark. At different times various folks went out to play with him (Clint, Harry, Sam), but he stayed out there for a really long time. I am hoping that he is catching the basketball bug and will want to play himself when he is here :-).  He was out until after dark again last night, and then actually got to play in a scrimmage at Harry's practice last night, so we hope to get him on a team this summer :-).

Yesterday we sent everyone back to school, and then had a day at home.  We went to the store to start to pull together the things he will be taking back with him.  I am thankful that I know better what he wants/needs in his backpack and suitcase.  He only gets 50 pounds in the suitcase, and then whatever we can shove into the backpack.  It was so fun walking around Target desperately trying to get him to tell me what he wanted. He is SO hesitant to share what he wants (he actually told us when we were with Emmanuel last week that he just doesn't like to ask for things. It wasn't something that was a result of the folks at his orphanage - it's just his personality.  I love getting to know more and more about him - it's like continuing to open a wonderful present :-).  We spent a bunch of money and left with lots of goodies for him to take back to his friends and teachers.  He did tell me about wanting a magnet of Virginia for his chaperone - it is the ONLY thing he has ever told me that he wants. I was so excited - Google translate even worked (!!) from Ukranian to English, and so I came home and posted on Facebook for suggestions of where to get one.  Social media kicked in - within hours I had 20 posts :-).  So today we will be heading back out to do some more shopping - he still needs to buy a present for his girlfriend as well :-).

After Target we went to Trader Joe's for some groceries, and then went to Liv's school for lunch.  At her new school, they have almost an hour for lunch every day, and are allowed to go outside to enjoy the beautiful grounds.  We waited for a day with nice weather, and then Sergey went and joined Liv and her friends for lunch.  As you might have guessed, they played soccer :-).  I know Liv loved having him there, and I could tell he enjoyed it too.  Can't imagine he won't look back on this picture and smile ;-).

Last night after getting home from the boys basketball practice (I had bible study so I got home after them) we put the other kids in bed and played one more game with just the three of us.  It was really fun to see how much more comfortable he has become with Clint, and to see them talking trash and mocking each other while playing - the way that males in this house show affection :-).  He even used some new English words that I have not heard him say before, like "chicken" :-).  We will probably spend some time today/tonight working on the photo album for him to take home.  The past two hosting trips I have done it for him - the first time as a surprise that we gave him in the hotel the night before, and then last time I gave it to him the night before he left.  This time we went and bought the album itself together, and when I asked him if he wanted one I could tell he really did.  I am so curious - does he still have those ones from past years? Does he look at them when he is in Ukraine? Does he miss us, or does he just live day to day?  So many questions - not sure how many of them will be answered, but grateful for the little discoveries we make every day.

I am not sure when the next time I will blog.  We will be taking him to the airport on Thursday - leaving here around mid-day for Dulles.  We don't have any big plans between now and then - just trying to squeeze every last second we have together as tightly as we can.  I think, as usual, I will be a wreck after he leaves, but knowing that we will hopefully be seeing him again in March on our first of three trips to Ukraine will be very comforting.  I am hoping to fill February with preparations for our trip, so that it will fly by.  The fact that nothing is really known for certain - when we will travel, how long we will be there, whether this will really happen, what will happen when we are there - tempts me very strongly to worry/doubt/be anxious/try to control things/get more to eat. However, last night's Bible study was a perfect message for me.  We are studying Matthew, and we had read the passage about Jesus walking out on the water to meet the disciples.  The thing that really struck me from the teaching was that Jesus had SENT them out into that storm.  They were being obedient to him, right in the middle of his will, right where he wanted them to be.  God does NOT promise us that there will not be storms, but he does promise that He will be with us in the midst of them.  We are not certain what will happen as we head out on this boat, but we are completely certain that he has sent us out, and so we go.  If (when?) storms come, I just pray that we will be willing, like Peter, to walk out towards Jesus, that my inclination will not be to desperately try to bail water/row harder/paddle faster, but to look to my Savior, my creator, the ONLY one who can rescue me, or Sergey, or any of us, in the middle of the storm.  He is the King of creation - so grateful He is my King.

2nd week report (and 3rd - OOPS!!!)

Well, so much for doing this every week - I had to fill out our 3rd week report and still hadn't written this second week one. Ok, I'll try to catch up :-).  I wrote last on Christmas Eve morning, so I'll start there.  That day was lots of fun - gorgeous weather and time together as a family. I spent much of the day finishing up wrapping presents, and we made one last minute run to Target all together for a few last-minute random things.  We had our Christmas Eve church service that afternoon, which was beautiful.  Harry read scripture, and both Sam and Harry lit the candles for everyone at the end of the service as we sang "Silent Night."  After we cleaned up from the service, we headed to my parents' house for dinner and a movie.  I decided that Sergey probably doesn't love watching movies since he can't understand most of it, so he and I stayed upstairs and played games with a few others while the movie went on downstairs.  It was another night of laughter, relaxation, and yummy food :-).

Christmas morning was fantastic - it was so fun thinking how very different it was from last year.  Last year we hardly knew Sergey, I didn't have any idea what presents to buy him, and we were completely uncertain as to whether we would ever see him again.  This year, I NAILED it on the presents (one in particular - a pullover warm-up jersey of his favorite soccer player that caused him to literally BEAM with happiness as soon as he saw it :-).  I loved hearing his sweet, sincere "Sank You" after each gift, and seeing the joy on his face.  He is still mostly very understated, but when he opened that one gift I think I got a little glimpse into what we will hopefully see more of in the future.  It was awesome :-).  It was also so comforting to know that we could buy him presents that we can keep here for him, knowing that he will be here to play with them before we know it :-).

After hanging out at home for a bit playing with our toys and gorging on breakfast casserole and cinnamon rolls, we went to my parents house for lunch and exchanging gifts with them.  Again, it was such a great time, and it was so great to see all the joy that came from the giving and receiving of gifts :-).  We played with all of our toys there, played more games, and delighted in a wonderful feast prepared by my mom.  It couldn't have been more perfect :-).

The day after Christmas we headed to the beach to spend a few days there with Clint's mom and step-dad.  We went to the same house last year, so again it was such a treat to compare this year to last year, and see how much more a part of our family Sergey is, how much more comfortable he is, and how much more it just feels perfectly natural that he would be here with us.  There was much anticipation as the 27th grew nearer - the day of the great Wallyball tournament of 2013.  Last year we entered the tournament and were the champions (the picture we took after we won is still the screen-saver on my phone :-).  I woke up nervous, knowing that we had a title to live up to and that if we lost there would be broken hearts everywhere in our house.  Thankfully, we were able to defend our title, and are the 2013 Corolla Light Wallyball Champions.  Clint, Sergey, Harry and I played, and everyone else cheered like crazy.  Clint's theory is that we will only get better every year for about 5 years or so, as Sergey gets older, faster and better, Harry hits puberty, and he and I only get incrementally older and slower. We'll see.

After our glorious victory, we spent the rest of the day playing and playing.  We played some pingpong at the Rec center, and then headed out to enjoy the beautiful day.  We played basketball, soccer, frisbee, ultimate frisbee, and just ran around on the beach.  The day ended with a breathtaking sunset, pictured below, a yummy dinner, and more games played with the family.  We all collapsed into bed around 11:30 and I did not even WAKE up until 10:00 am the next morning!!! I love vacation :-).

Our last full day at the beach was even more beautiful that the one before.  It was even warmer and sunnier, and we found a place to rent bikes.  We rode bikes, played basketball (I won TWO games of Knock-Out - my free throw was money), played ultimate, played hide and seek, and ran around on the beach.  We grilled up hamburgers for dinner, and then after dinner exchanged gifts and - you guessed it- played more games :-). It was such a delight to be with Clint's mom and Andy - they are such gracious hosts and in such a gorgeous house - could literally not have been better.  Sunday was super warm but rainy, so we went back to the rec center and played some Dowda v. Dowda wallyball, and swam in the pool.  After coming home to watch the Ravens play, we headed back to our real home.

I had forgotten this happening last year and last summer, but one of my favorite things about going away for a few days when Sergey is here is seeing his reaction when we get home.  I can tell how happy he is to be home - more relaxed, more comfortable.  It is a great feeling - hoping that will just increase over the months and years when he is here forever.

Monday was a banner day - our super close friends (much more like family than friends :-) the Barnes came to visit. They were on their way home from Charlottesville (Meda and I grew up together, and then we all went to Wake Forest together) back to Boston, and were going to stop in on their way home.  They decided a few days before that they would spend the night instead, and then once we had them here we managed to convince them to stay one more night and ring in 2014 with us.  It. Was. Awesome.  We played lots of games, rode dirt bikes, played basketball, rode 4-wheelers, went down the zip-line, played frisbee with the dogs (they had their yellow lab with them), went swimming, ate lots of bad food, and had the best New Year's Eve ever with some dear friends (where the adults had way more fun than the kids playing Reverse Charades).  There were even plans made for a beach week together this summer for all 4 families - so hoping that will come to fruition!!!

We said our sad good-byes to the Barnes on Wednesday - and then headed to the DC Zoo for the day! I grew up in Charlottesville but have never been - I have really been missing out!!! It was glorious - absolutely no traffic because of the holiday, hardly anyone else there, and tons of amazing animals.  At Chick-Fil-A on our way home we all tried to name our favorite but couldn't - there were so many that we loved.  The tiger puppies were definitely my favorite - so cute.  My favorite part about being there was how Sergey would run ahead and see something and then call "Jen, Jen!" and take me to see whatever it was.  It was such a wonderful treat to spend the whole day with our family - I absolutely loved it.  That night Sergey watched Home Alone 2 on the computer, dubbed over in Russian, and the rest of us watched "Christmas Vacation".  There was much laughter throughout the house all around :-).

Thursday the boys mulched the yard (everything is so much easier with Sergey here - he is crazy strong and an amazingly hard worker, so it goes much faster!!), and I did some catching up on work stuff (I am hosting a tennis camp for folks with special needs this weekend and it has been hard to fit in time to work on it).  That night, Olivia and I went with some friends to the premier of Downton Abbey down at the Byrd.  We stood in the rain for over an hour waiting to get in, and it was TOTALLY worth it - so much fun :-).

Friday was a day I had been looking forward to for months - our youth pastor had planned a trip to Jumpology just for middle and high school boys (and 5th graders thankfully, so Sam could go to).  I knew Sergey would love it, and man was I right :-).  I think the pictures speak for how much he loved it :-).  They went to Cici's for pizza afterwards, and Liv and I did some post-Christmas shopping and had a lovely afternoon together :-).  Clint's dad arrived that afternoon, and we had so much fun with him here.  He and Olivia made cookies, we bagged and delivered another full load of shoes, and we just enjoyed having him and his warmth and hilarious sense of humor with us.

The weekend was filled with basketball - both boys had games on both days, so we did a lot of cheering.  It is fun that Sergey is so competitive and even though he is pretty quiet during the games, he is so into it.  There were some close games, and it was fun to see him get excited (in his own VERY understated way).  Our "other son" Andrew Cook was with us on Saturday night, so with four boys in the house, chaos pretty much reined.  I think by Sunday morning Pa was probably ready to return to his peaceful life in York :-).  Being at church again was glorious - having him with us there always makes me feel deeply satisfied and whole in a way I can't explain.  Liv had a friend with her for the day, so after the last game on Sunday we headed in the cold rain to Cold Stone Creamery.  Of course.

Sunday night we had youth group, where they were going to play Capture the Flag.  I had assumed that Sergey would want to go, but he said he would rather stay home, even when I told him that we would do some Rosetta Stone! :-)  I think he was worn out (Saturday night was when he stayed up and did the decorating and writing in his room that I wrote about in the other blog post, so he was exhausted by this time).  It was wonderful after such a full weekend to have the house quiet and just enjoy some time with our two oldest (we put that youngest in bed quickly - he was definitely ready for it :-).  Clint also enjoyed the fact that the night ended with a WFU basketball victory over UNC - with the glory days of WFU basketball well behind us, that was a beautiful thing to celebrate for all of us Deacons :-).

Monday morning was SO early - I always say that I am going to wake everyone up a little earlier to get used to it, as we get closer to going back to school, but then I never do it, so Monday was quite the shock.  Clint worked from home so that I could go the class I love at the gym, and apparently Sergey didn't get up much before I returned at 10:30.  Emmanuel came over for lunch (our Ukranian friend who translates for us) and we talked some more about what life will be like when Sergey is here for good. We wanted to make sure that he understood a few things about rules/restrictions that he will have so he won't feel like he got the bait and switch, and he seemed to understand and be okay with them.  The fun part was seeing how much more of what we were saying to Emmanuel he understood without Emmanuel translating, and how I understood what he was saying one time.  He is always a bit uncomfortable when we have these talks - how could he not be with three adults staring at him like a firing squad. However, this time he seemed a bit more relaxed, which was a great thing.  I can't wait for him to tell us one day what it was like for him to have those conversations.  Of course, there are SO MANY things that I can't wait for him to tell us one day!!!

After we met with Emmanuel, we went to another ESL lesson with our friends.  He seemed to enjoy it, and she even said that once they are both here for good she will keep meeting with them, which is AWESOME.  When we went to pick them up, the teacher asked the other student a question about time and she was struggling to remember the words.  Sergey, who had already been standing a little behind her, leaned forward and quietly whispered the answer to her from behind, with a sneaky little grin on his face.  It was so cute - I always adore seeing the playful silly side of him come out.  We picked up Liv and came home, and the boys played basketball while I made dinner.  Monday night we all had different things - boys had basketball practice, I had Bible study, and Liv had a Hanover Youth Service Council meeting.  When we all reconvened back home we found out the glorious news that Hanover County schools would be opening 2 hours late (oh so sadly for Liv, Veritas opened on time :-( ).  The boys stayed up late and watched football in celebration :-).

Tuesday Sergey got up just after Harry got on the bus at 10 am, and we hung out here for a while and then met Clint at Burkwood.  Clint was going to run 3 miles on the treadmill, so Sergey went over and got on one as well.  He obviously has never been on one, and I would pay some serious money to have a video of it.  He caught on after a bit, but watching him crank it up faster and faster and FASTER while not really knowing what he was doing was both terrifying and hilarious.  I told him "you are going to be on America's Funniest Videos" and he laughed out loud :-).  We ran/walked (he did 3 miles like Clint), and then he did the weight machines while Clint and I stretched and did other exercises.  Clint headed back to work and Sergey swam for a while, and then we came home for lunch (where he whipped me at Farkle).  We picked up Sam, then Liv, then Harry, and then headed to the Fantastic Thrift (our most favorite store).  After getting home we had dinner and then Sam, Clint and Harry headed off to Sam's CCB basketball practice and Liv studied while Sergey and I worked on Rosetta Stone.  The kid is so smart - he is totally going to pick up on this whole English thing so quickly. I am so proud of him.  He spent some more time drawing, and then we all headed to bed (with the beautiful knowledge that today we had another 2 hour delay).

Which brings me to right now, and I need to head up and get breakfasts and lunches made and get these boys on their buses!!!  Have a great day!!!

God is GOOD - no matter what happens

I said after my last post that I would send out something each week summarizing our life over the previous week, and I actually started it last week, but haven't had a chance to sit down since then. I do hope to finish that post (and I guess at this point it will include two weeks :-), but at this point I would like to talk about something else that is brewing inside.

Years ago, when Clint and I decided we were ready to have kids, we just assumed that it would happen fairly quickly. It didn't, and the time that ensued between wanting to have kids and actually having Olivia seemed endless. And painful. And all around just not fun.  When I first saw that positive pregnancy test, I was breathless with excitement and joy.  I will absolutely NEVER forget telling Clint the news (in the parking lot of the Clifton House, for those of you who remember that place :-).  I was overcome with happiness and wanted to immediately tell absolutely everyone in the entire world that we were having a baby (and if there had been Facebook at the time I might have done so before I got control of myself :-).  However, as the afternoon went on, I started to think more and more about whether or not we really wanted to tell anyone.  I knew EXACTLY what our chances were of losing her, and the thought of that was so frightening to me.  At the time, I didn't think I could handle that loss being public, and so we decided to wait for a while to tell anyone but our closest friends and family (and even those we waited for quite some time to tell).

We had an experience a few days ago (I won't go into the details), where I was struck heavily with the reality that Sergey is not my son, and that he may never be my son.  There are still many things in the way, the largest being that he has to agree to the adoption (he has said yes to us every time we ask him here, but many times kids change their minds later, once they are in court and it is final).  Again, I won't go into all of the details about how real of a possibility it is for anyone adopting an older teen from Ukraine that the child will say no.  I'll just say it is a sadly large proportion.  As I lived the days following that realization, I thought about the fact that, unlike when I was pregnant with Olivia, we have already made our choice to let folks know about this adoption.  Possibly every person in the universe who has ever been on Facebook knows about our shoe drive and our Amazon link ;-).  If it falls through, it will be very public and everyone will know.

And what I realized then was very encouraging to me, and what I wanted to share with you.  I was grateful for that truth.  This whole process has felt SO very much larger than just Clint and I, or just the Dowda family, or even just our extended family and closest friends. We have been swept up into a tidal wave of love, support, encouragement, generosity, and kindness unlike any I could have imagined.  And whether we end up coming gently on shore and bringing home this sweet, sweet boy to be the 6th Dowda, or if the wave crashes hard and we end up coming home without him, I want to be in this with all of you.

This is easy to say right now, as he is lying on the couch drawing pictures. We have the fire on, the rest of the kids are in bed, and every time he finishes a picture he brings it over to show me with a huge grin on his face.  Just now he crumpled one up and gave me the cutest sheepish grin. Last night, he put up a poster on his door, that we gave him for Christmas.  He has started using a little more English, and when he writes the date at the bottom of his drawings, he is writing it in English.  These are small steps, but let me just tell you that they are also HUGE.  To me, they feel like small ways that he is trying to become part of our family, our family who so DESPERATELY wants him to come be a part of us.

However, it really is the truth that he might say no when we go to get him, so even in the midst of comforting beautiful moments like right now, I am telling myself over and over again that God is good NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.  Our worship leader reminded us of this at church this morning - if we only think He is good when good things happen, then God is just all over the place like us.  The truth, which I am going to continually remind myself, is that God is good ALL THE TIME.  It doesn't mean hard things don't happen (they DO).  It doesn't mean we can't be sad, or mad, or have deep deep feelings - we can and we should.  But it does mean that NOTHING happens outside out of God's will, and NOTHING happens that is not for our good.  He is our Shepherd, and we are his sheep.  Maybe I am writing this so I can go back and read it no matter what happens when we travel to Ukraine.  Who knows. Right now I just know that I am grateful that my circumstances do not control the goodness of God, or his love for me.  Or for you. Or for Sergey :-).

Corolla Beach 12/27/13