He's (almost!!) our son!!!

Back at his school before saying goodbye

Today was our court appointment, and everything went smoothly.  It is hard to imagine that all of this is really happening and that we are only (hopefully!) less than two weeks to having Sergey as our son.  Today still kind of seems surreal, but I will try to paint a bit of a picture - again, I wish every single one of you could have been here with us, but since you weren't, I'll try to tell you about it :-).

We got up this morning and headed to meet Alyona and Svetlana at the notaries office.  We got a form filled out and notarized and then hopped in the car to head for Sergey's orphanage. We picked him up, as well as his social worker, and drove to court, about an hour away.  Our appointment was at 2:00, and we got there exactly at 2 :-).  We had to wait a bit for the second witness, but I think we got started around 2:30 and the whole thing lasted about an hour, including the time when the judge and jury (the two witnesses) left for deliberation.  Alyona did a great job of preparing us for exactly what we would be experiencing, so it didn't really feel scary, just a little bizarre.

I can tell you more about it later, but since we have to be up in about 5 hours to fly home (feels like we LITERALLY just got off the plane here), I might keep this a bit shorter than usual ;-) - I know, I know, hard to believe.  But I'll try :-).

There is one image that will always remain in my mind when I think of today: that of Sergey, standing there by himself on the stand, answering the judge's questions.  I didn't realize that he would be questioned so much - I had thought it would be mainly me and Clint.  I thought the questions that the judge asked us were pretty straightforward - most of it was just "busywork," reading the court applications, etc.  The part that made my heart want to leap out of my chest was watching my (almost official) son standing there.

The judge asked him some straightforward questions as well, but he also asked a few that caught me off guard, and broke my heart at the same time, questions like "How do you feel about this family adopting you? (he said he loves us :-), by the way :-), and "How old were you when you found out your father was dead?"  He answered them all so calmly, with such poise, and with such amazing honesty and beauty. I was so proud of him it literally took all of the self-control I have to not jump up and squeeze the stuffing out of him.

The one question that I think literally caused me to stop breathing, though, was this: "Why do you think your mom never came to visit you in the orphanage all of those years?"  I think until that moment I had not really let it sink in what has happened to this sweet boy in his lifetime.  He is so kind, so content, so resilient, so easy-going, that I just don't really think very often about what his life has looked like.  To see him stand up on that stand, in his white sweater, his new hair cut, standing up so straight and tall - it gripped my heart and made me feel like I couldn't take a breath.  The heart ache and the love and the pride and the amazement - all wrapped up in one moment - it is hard to even put into words.

The one question that the judge asked me that did take me a bit by surprise and will truly stick with me was this: "Will you ever look back and wish you hadn't done this? Will you ever regret adopting this boy?"  As you can imagine, I was able to answer that very quickly :-).  However, the hard part in answering it was that after I told the judge adamantly NO I will never regret it, I wanted so desperately to turn around to Sergey and say it to him as well.  I wanted to look him in the eye, to repeat it to him, to make sure that he knows that NO MATTER WHAT we will absolutely NEVER regret this decision. We will NEVER wish that we hadn't adopted him. We will ALWAYS love him, and he will ALWAYS be our son.  NO MATTER WHAT.

The hard truth is that we don't know whether or not he will ever really truly be able to believe that.  Most likely, he will struggle, we will struggle, and we will all struggle together. At this point, we don't know the size or extent of that struggle, but I don't think that many teenage adoptions - or any adoptions, or any kids living through their teenage years in general ;-) - go perfectly smoothly.  There will be things that will be hard, and we don't know whether or not he will ever truly believe that we love him.  We don't know if he will ever be able to really love us in return.  We don't know if he will ever truly feel like a part of our family, or if he will ever feel like this is really his home.  He may leave our family at some point, we could possibly come to a point where he leaves our family for good without keeping in touch (this has happened to PLENTY of loving, wonderful families who have adopted children).  He may end up on the streets, he may end up in an institution, he may end up moving back to Ukraine when he turns 18.  Honestly, I don't think any of these sad things will happen, and I am super hopeful that all of the good loving things WILL happen, but I am willing (I think) to face the honest reality that they really might.  If you base it on statistics of children adopted as teens, there is a decent chance that sad things could happen.

But what I want to say here at this point, to myself, to my family, to each of you, is what I said to that judge today, what I wished I could say to Sergey today: We will NEVER wish we had not adopted this boy.  Obviously, we hope and pray that there is never a day where he does not feel loved by us. We pray that he will feel 100% part of our family, that he will find a place in our world, that one day he will be able to have a job, and to get married, and to have a family of his own.  We pray for him peace, and happiness, and especially that he will come to know Jesus very soon.  HOWEVER, even if none of those things happen, if we don't get the Blind Side ending (that's for you Kelly Cecil :-), we will NEVER wish we had not done this.  We are certain that God has brought Sergey into our lives - I don't think you could read the posts on this blog and not be convinced as well - and we are certain that He has brought him to us for good.  No matter what happens from here on out, we will never look back and say that we were wrong in that decision. When we do doubt, or struggle, or cry, or falter, we know that you all will be there for us, to hold us up, to hold Sergey up, just as you have during this entire adventure so far.  It will be hard for him, much much MUCH harder than for us - he is the one who is leaving behind everything he has ever known.  He is coming to a land with a new language, new food, new smells, new everything.  We are so grateful for you all to be loving him with us, to allow him to become the young man that God is going to call him to be.  We are going to try oh so very hard to give him freedom - to love him like crazy but let him find his own path in the midst of that love, and we are so VERY VERY grateful that the love will be coming at him from all directions.  THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for being in this with us.  We could not POSSIBLY be more grateful for our family, friends, church family, and community.

PS - Quick follow up on details for those of you who like the facts - we will wait 10 days (business days, with a holiday in there as well) before he officially becomes our son. At that time, Clint will go to pick him up at the orphanage. They will do some errands like picking up his birth certificate, getting his medical exams done, getting his passport, etc, and then they will head home.  And THEN the party will begin :-).

In front of the courthouse after our appointment :-)

I. Can. Not be-WEEVE It!!!

When Sam was little, he used to have this hilarious saying (well, he had a lot of hilarious sayings, but this was one of them ).  He would say, with dramatic pauses in between each word, "I. Can. Not. Be-WEEEEEVE It (he couldn't say "l's" yet :-).  This is a story that I still find hard to believe, and it brought that little phrase to my head as I was typing it out :-). With so many of you praying for a safe trip home, I couldn't not let everyone know what happened on the way home. Even this morning it brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.  I now have 6 million things to do since I am home and now have to start doing these silly things like cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping again - I have NOT missed that!!!!

We got picked up by our driver at 6:50 am yesterday morning. He dropped us off at the Kyiv airport (which, by they way, is absolutely gorgeous, not much bigger than Richmond's airport, and looks like something out of the set of Mad Men.  Does anyone know if it is new? We were amazed by it), and we had some breakfast and waited for our flight. When we checked in, the woman told us that she would give us our boarding passes for this flight, but that we would get the rest of our boarding passes in Paris. We thought nothing of that and went on our merry way.

On our flight to Paris, we had more leg room than I ever knew was possible on a plane. In order to eat my snack I had to pick up the plate off of my tray to hold it closer - I couldn't even reach it on my tray!! I am not exaggerating, I promise.  We were on the emergency exit row, which is why it was so huge - you have never seen Clint so happy :-).  Also, yet ANOTHER reason to love Ukranians - when the plane landed, they all clapped for the pilot!!! I LOVE IT!!!

We got to Paris with plenty of time for our next flight - we didn't have a huge layover but definitely plenty of time to make it. We didn't stop to eat or go to the bathroom because we wanted to get checked in and see if there was any chance of moving our seats (we had been assigned the middle seats in the middle section - pretty much death for a long trip like this, and had lots of folks praying that they would get changed).  We went up to the ticket counter and there were two other people waiting in line. There was no one working at the counter (someone told us they said they'd be back soon), but there was nowhere else really to go, so we just waited. We took turns heading to the restroom, because we ended up standing there for over 30 minutes before anyone came to help.  At that point I was getting worried because I was afraid we wouldn't have time to get something to eat (in case you haven't noticed, it pretty much always comes back to food, for me :-).  By the time the lovely French woman finally came to help us all check in, there was an ENORMOUS line behind us.  She helped the two folks in front of us, and then we were next. We told her that we needed boarding passes since they hadn't given us any in Kyiv, and we were wondering if perhaps we could get aisle seats (the folks in front of us had all gotten new seats so we were hopeful).  When we told her we didn't have our boarding passes yet, she gave us a strange look and started typing away on her computer.  The next thing she said made me feel like I was going to throw up.  "I am sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Dowda.  Zere are no seats for you.  Zee plane ees full."

WHAT???!?!?!?  How could it be full???? We had our seat assignments - our travel agent had sent us all the confirmations!!!!  Turns out here is what happened: if you do not check in earlier than an hour before boarding begins, they can give your seats to someone else. We couldn't check in from our apartment that morning because we didn't have a printer to print our boarding passes. We couldn't check in at Kyiv, because the lady there wouldn't do it. And we had arrived more than an hour before boarding, but we had been standing there for so long waiting for someone to help us that we had missed the hour deadline, so apparently they had given our seats away.  She typed away some more on her computer, made a phone call, and then asked us to step aside while she waited to hear back.  We moved aside and then watched as no fewer than 400 people (I am NOT kidding - this plane actually had an UPSTAIRS on it - It. Was. HUGE.)  passed us by to check in.  We stood there and waited, and waited and waited.  We watched as they had first call, second call, third call, final call for boarding.  We saw all kinds of crazy conversations and things go on, but somehow everyone else (except for one poor hispanic lady without a visa and this one sweet older French couple) managed to get checked in and on board just fine.  And we just waited. We made jokes about not getting on the plane, and I think I had let it go in my mind that we might not get on the plane. I figured there would be a plane going to somewhere near our home at some point from Paris a little later that day, and just resigned myself to the fact that we would be facing a much less enjoyable day.

Then the lady came over to talk to us.  This other very, very sweet lady who we had watched be so kind to the hispanic woman, came over and said she had a question for us.  At this point, the only people left in the area were a bunch of Air France employees and the one older couple. The wife had a ticket but her husband was on the wait list and they were hoping to get on - as well as cheering for us to get on :-).  So the Air France lady came over to us, and said that they were looking for volunteers to give up their seats for someone who had a medical emergency. She looked at us with those kind French eyes and said "Do you have any reason zat you have to bee in zee United States today?  Would you be willing to wait and go tomorrow?  Is zere a reason you need to be zere today?"  I wanted to say "my kids," but as my eyes IMMEDIATELY filled with tears that started rolling down my cheeks when she asked that question, I realized that if I were to open my mouth at ALL and say anything at ALL I would start crying - not just tears streaming down my face but the loud, ugly, heaving and sobbing kind of crying.  I had no idea all that was in there, but apparently it was.  And I didn't want to be the crazy lady standing there sobbing, so I just kept my mouth shut and nodded that it was okay.  We were willing to let the other folks go - how could you insist on taking seats from someone with a medical emergency?  We let the tickets go, and I just concentrated 100% of my effort on not totally and completely losing it in front of all of the cool and collected French folks.

The sign started flashing "Boarding complete" and they started closing the doors and shutting things down.  I felt like crumpling in a little puddle and disappearing in my sadness (okay, now I am proofreading this and literally crying thinking about it).  I truly had NO idea how desperate I was to get home and hold my kids until she asked that question.  We just stood there, kind of in shock, realizing we would be spending the night in Paris and taking a flight the next day, when the first lady looked up from the computer and called us over.  "I can get you on zee plane" she said.  I seriously could not believe it. She was typing away like mad, then started printing out our boarding passes. The sweet older couple was still standing there and they were so happy for us - I wanted to hug them but I was pretty sure they would think that was a little odd :-).  Plus I knew I would start ugly crying all over them, and no one wants that.  So instead we just grabbed our boarding passes and ran.

I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't even look at the stewardesses who helped us on board.  I couldn't look at the people staring at us either - especially since they had been sitting there for quite some time waiting on us - we were THOSE people.  If they only knew. We walked a million miles to the back of the biggest plane I have ever been on in my life - there were rows of TEN seats, broken up into three on each side and four in the middle.  And I don't even know how many rows - a LOT.  And with all of those seats, not a single empty one.  Not one.  God got us on that plane.  He did it.  And here is the best part.

We didn't have to sit in the middle :-).

We had asked folks to pray that we wouldn't have to sit in the middle, and we didn't. We ended up in one of the rows on the edge, in the middle and aisle seats.  And are you ready for this? Guess who was sitting in the window seat with us? A young man from ODESSA.  Yes, I think he was probably the only one on that whole plane from Ukraine. He was from Odessa, he KNEW Sergey's little, teeny, tiny village, and he was just the cutest thing you've ever seen.  He was heading to Charleston, SC, where he was getting on a cruise ship. This was his fourth stint as a mechanic working on a cruise line. He said he really liked it and told us all about it.  At several points I had to sit on my hands (really, SIT on them) to keep from reaching over and hugging him.  I kept wanting to stare at him (and I did a few times - he is probably writing his parents right now about the crazy American lady who kept talking to him and looking at him).  He was a bit older that Sergey, but had blond hair and that sweet Ukrainian face.  It was amazing.

So, I think it is safe to say that God was holding us in his hands pretty strongly every single second of this trip.  He is a good God, who gives good gifts to his children, WELL WELL WAY ABOVE AND BEYOND what they can ask or imagine.  We are so grateful for all of the prayers offered up on our behalf - I hope you are encouraged by the myriad of ways they were answered.  We had one last lovely surprise upon arriving home, when we came down the runway and saw that our dear and lovely friend Pamela Rogers had come to pick us up. She drove us home and when we got out of the car, we looked up at the boys' bedroom window and saw the silhouttes of their little red heads - looking out the window holding the little electric candle that sits in their window.  I wish now I had taken a picture of it - maybe we'll re-enact it tonight and get a picture of it ;-).  We walked in and Olivia was all curled up in the chair in her blanket - all we could see what her sweet face and her beautiful smile.  Our sweet neighbor Gina was here with the kids, and the kids had put together a welcome home gift on the kitchen counter, complete with flowers, wine, Reese's Peanut Butter cups, and Jujy Fruits.  NOTHING can compare to that feeling of being home - well, I guess nothing except when that homecoming includes Sergey :-).  THAT will be quite a day :-).

Two more miracles :-), and now it's time for home :-).

I think this will be our last post from Ukraine, for this trip.  I wasn't planning on writing again after my last post, but two things have happened since then that I really want to tell you about, so here goes:

We left Odessa yesterday around 4:00 pm.  We met with the notary around noon, and then just walked around the city until it was time to go.  It was April 1st, and apparently in Ukraine that is a day where they dress up in different costumes and celebrate (our waitress at lunch tried explaining it to us), so it was especially entertaining to walk around and watch people.  There were parades and performances - my favorite was a mime who was dancing to a medley of Michael Jackson songs :-).  I have never in my life seen anything quite like it, and I will definitely not forget it :-).

The notary's office

The gathering in the middle of Odessa on April 1

One of the random people dressed in costume that are always walking around all the time :-).  This was a minion and we took this picture for you, Evan Leonard :-).

We got on the bus at 4:00 and were on it for 6 hours.  I won't go into any details of the trip, but I will just say that it wasn't the most enjoyable 6 hours I've ever spent in my life. When we stopped at the pay-to-go-to-the-bathroom place, the woman taking the money kept trying to tell us something that we couldn't understand, and a young lady behind us stepped up and helped out and then gave us a great smile.  I think that is one of the things I will miss about being here - the way that everyone has been so kind to us.  I know that this doesn't jive with what folks have told us, and especially in light of the recent political situation, doesn't make a lot of sense, but I swear that every single time people would realize that we were Americans their faces would change like they were so happy, and then they would be even nicer than they had been before.  I have to admit I'm pretty proud of the fact that no one could tell we were Americans until we spoke - I ONLY brought black to wear and I tried to look as EE as possible at all times :-).  I can't wait to get home and dress all in pink again ;-).  The point is, I had thought that we would face lots of hostility, but in fact we found only kindness and hospitality.  I don't know if this is a result of God's hand in the folks we met, or a change in overall attitude towards Westerners, but we definitely enjoyed it.  Several times we were in restaurants eating when we were Facetiming our kids at home (our time of eating dinner usually coincided with their getting home from school) and we would show the waitresses who we were talking to and they would always look so happy and wave hi :-).

ANYWAY, we took the LONG bus ride, and then around 10:00 pm we arrived in Kyiv. The schedule had said that we would get in at 10:30, so when we arrived at the station Alex was not yet there to get us.  We walked our bags around the corner to where he would meet us, and then sat them down while we waited. After a few minutes, Clint went to check on the pouch that had all of our credit cards, all of our money, and both of our passports, that he almost always had strapped around him.  He looked for a few minutes and then started to realize that it wasn't on him or in the backpack.  I went back to where the bus had been, but it was gone.  About this time Alex arrived, and we told him what had happened. Thankfully he took quick action and went into the bus station and had them call the bus driver.  We had no idea what would happen - we had to go move Alex's car because he had parked somewhere where he couldn't stay.  Clint and I ran back into the bus station lobby and were just staring at each other wondering what in the heck we were going to do, when this sweet older man walked in with a smile on his face and a black pouch in his hand.  I wanted to hug and kiss him (don't worry, I didn't - but we did give him a hefty thank you tip!!!), but instead we just said Thank you about a million times and smiled like total idiots.  I am convinced this was just a miracle - we had both been praying like crazy that God would save us, and He did!!!  Thankfully, He is a God of mercy who gives us that which we don't deserve :-).

Alex drove us to our new apartment (the last one was being used by someone else) and dropped us off.  He showed us a grocery store and a few restaurants that were still open (it was 10:45 by this point), and then he headed home.  We dropped our stuff off, went to the grocery store for some water (and pastries that we thought were yummy fruit pastries for breakfast, only to find out that in fact they were MEAT PIES!!! - Clint had to brush his teeth again after that discovery :-), and then went to the one restaurant that was open and had actual customers in it.  We laughed so hard when we saw the hours of the restaurant - 08:00 to 06:00.  Seriously? 8 am - 6 am?  We are still wondering what they are doing in those two hours between 6 and 8.  We were very happy, though, that they were open and still serving, off of a ridiculously huge and widely varied menu. It was a Tex-Mex Cantina, and they were playing only Western songs - some so old and so Western that even I, lover of all country music, had never heard them.  We laughed at almost every one, but probably laughed the most at "Cotton-Eyed Joe." :-).  We ate tons of food and drank a few beers, and were so happy to not be on that bus anymore and to not have lost all of our money and passports. On top of that joy, we truly had our best waitress we have ever had (in any country) - I think Harry got to see her on FaceTime. I wanted to take her home with me, she was so cute.  If she was still there tonight we were going to go in and get our picture with her, but sadly she was not working tonight :-(.

Our cantina - sadly you can't see the hours from here.  They actually had a "24 hour" neon sign as well - not sure if that accounted for the two hours they were closed or not :-).

Our beautiful new kitchen :-).

About half-way through dinner, I looked on my phone and there was a VK message.  VK is like Eastern European Facebook, and I am friends with both Sergey and his girlfriend on there.  I have sent him messages on there before, but he never responds (except right before our trip this time when he said he wanted to see us :-).  We don't usually use it to communicate - mostly I just use it to worry about him when I see all of the things he posts on there!!! Since he never writes me on there, I was shocked when I saw the notification pop up. I clicked on the message, and unfortunately it was in Ukranian, and my phone doesn't translate.  Needless to say, as soon as we got home I got on Google Chrome (which does translate) to see what he said.  And even thinking about it right now makes me get choked up.  The message was this: "Can you buy me sneakers for football."

His message is the one without emoticons.  Mine are the ones with emoticons.
I am sure you would NEVER have guessed that :-).

When you read this, you might think that seems a very normal request, so I need to explain the importance to you.  First of all, just the fact that he sent me a message on VK was amazing.  For him to want to communicate with us is a SUPER big deal, no matter what he had said in his message.  However, for him to ask something from us is truly nothing short of a miracle.  Each time that he has come to stay with us, I have taken him shopping several times and literally begged him to tell me what he would like.  Especially the first time he was here, when we didn't know if we would ever see him again, I was desperate to send him back with a suitcase full of things that he wanted.  Especially now that I have seen where he lives, it is very obvious that he has been given VERY little in his life, and I just wanted to spoil him and shower him with things that he wanted.  Over the course of three trips, the only thing he ever pointed to (after much prompting) was a pack of gum, which he then promptly shared with our whole family.  I realize that the reason for this unwillingness to express desire for something isn't necessarily a good thing, even though most of us would love our kids to be so unwilling to ask for stuff ;-).  He is used to not getting anything, and he even told us that his personality is such that he doesn't like to ask for things.  So the fact that he asked for something is ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLY INCREDIBLY MIRACULOUS and WONDERFUL!!!!!  (Tears as I type) - it made me feel like, just a tiny bit, he was starting to realize that he was going to be our son and that we wanted to take care of him.  Maybe not on a conscious level (probably not), but somewhere inside he knew he could ask us for something. And I cannot even begin to tell you how that made us feel.  EVEN CLINT was emotional about it.  Yes.  He was.

I went to bed feeling full, blessed, cared for, loved, as Clint spent a good chunk of time trying to help Sam with something he was trying to do back home :-).  I slept past 10, and I won't even tell you how late Clint slept.  We had a day of not-doing-much - lunch out, dinner out, some walking, shopping for gifts for folks at home, talking, and packing in between.  We just got home from dinner, and as we have to get up very early, we will be heading to bed shortly.  I almost started crying today in the shop where we were buying the gifts, thinking about how sad I will be to leave this country.  On the one hand I am INSANELY HOMESICK and almost physically in pain from missing our three kids in Virginia so much, as well as our one kid in Odessa.  On the other hand, though, I have so fallen in love with this place and will miss it so much.  I know we will be back again soon, but to think that we will only spend days here, here and there, maybe just a few more times for the rest of our lives, made me very sad.  It is such a lovely place, and it has won a place in my heart forever and ever.  As we fly out in the morning, we will be leaving a huge hunk of our hearts behind, but I feel like even when we have that hunk next to us in the airplane, there will still be a little bit of us here, in this wonderful place that we have come to love.