Our Story with Sergey

I know that a lot of you already know our story, but I have had several people who have seen bits and pieces ask me to share it, so here it is :-).  Both Clint and I have always thought that we would adopt at some point in our lives - even when we were kids and before we ever met.  When we decided to start a family, we considered adopting right away, but were given the VERY wise advice from a dear friend that (for many reasons that we would be happy to share with any of you!) we should start down the road of getting pregnant if that is what God had for us.  That was a long and rocky road for us (again, a story for another time :-), but it ended in the joyous birth of tiny, sweet little Olivia Grace, quickly followed by Harry Clinton and and then quickly after that, Samuel Wallace (if you'd like to hear my copy machine theory on how that all happened so quickly, you can ask me that later as well :-).  ANYWAY, after that we felt that if we added another child to our family at that point, we might never catch our breaths enough to pursue our dream of adoption, so we took some actions to turn off the copy machine.

Seriously. 

About 6 years later we finally got our feet back under us (yes, it took us 6 years - no judgment please :-), and decided to pursue adoption.  God granted us a wonderful social worker who was willing to jump on the crazy train and see where He was taking us.  She wrote us a home study that stayed open until we figured out who God was calling to come join the Dowdas.  That train took us all over the place.  There were times when I wanted to get off. Times I did get off and did not want to get back on.  Times when I wanted to get on a different train and never look back.  We came very close to several different adoptions - including a 4 year old boy from Ethiopia, a 2 year old little girl from North Carolina, a baby with Down Syndrome who was still in utero in Florida, a 9 year old girl from Ethiopia, and a 5 year old little boy living here in Richmond.  After each time God closed the door, I wondered if God really wanted us to do this, or if He was telling us not to adopt.  Finally, after years of this, we decided to take a break.  I had a Facebook friend who was hosting a young man for one month over the winter through an organization called New Horizons for Children (NHFC).  I read her posts and thought that maybe this was something we could do, to care for and love an orphan.  I called to inquire about an older girl who was "host only" (children cannot be adopted once they are 16 years old and this young lady was hoping to come and figure out a way to come to university in the United States).  They told me she was available and asked if I wanted to put her on hold. It was a Friday afternoon, and I told them that I needed to talk once more to my husband and pray about it, and I would call back on Monday.  We decided to go for it, and then when I called on Monday another family had already put her on hold.  I took a deep breath and decided to just take my foot back off the train.

Fast forward a year ahead.  The fall came around again and I saw another post about NHFC. I thought "I'll just look at the pictures."  They have a website that has hundreds of small pictures of all the children who are available for hosting, along with a little bio on each child.  As I clicked through all the sweet, heart-wrenching faces, I kept wondering "How will we know? How will we know who to host? How will we know if we should host a child available for adoption, or if we should just do host only?"  Since then, I have heard of many stories of folks who felt that God told them exactly which child was "theirs'", and I think that is so beautiful and amazing.  That was not the case for us, but I do not think that God was any less involved in our decision making.  If you want to know the whole process we went through in deciding, you can ask us, but the one thing that still makes me smile is how his bio included this statement: "He would like to learn how to play tennis."  In case you don't know, my job is coaching tennis, and so I really think this is one way that God pointed us to the boy that God had chosen us to love.  He had a $800 scholarship attached to him (someone who really wanted him to be hosted had donated money to help ensure that he would be chosen), and the cutest picture ever, and the rest is history :-).

His NHFC website picture :-). 

We counted down the days, gathered up clothes and Christmas presents, and waited for him to come.  On December 18th, 2012 at 11:44 pm, we picked him up from the train station at BWI.  It was cold, and the lobby was closed since it was so late.  We stood there with our sign, holding the stuffed animal they told us we should bring, wondering how our lives were about to change.  He got off the train, looking so sweet but so frightened, so exhausted, so overwhelmed.  We said hello and hugged him, but we knew he didn't speak any English so our conversation ended after hello :-). We got in our car and used Google translate on our phone to try to figure out if he wanted to eat, needed to use the restroom, etc, since we had a few hours to drive home.  We were so struck by his gentle manner, his shy smile, and his easy-going nature.  It felt just right, from the very beginning. It felt like he belonged with us.

Picking him up at BWI train station at midnight.

He was with us for a month, a month filled with so much joy.  We played soccer, basketball, tennis, and lacrosse.  We went to the beach with family, went to Great Wolf Lodge, went to the movies, went all over the place.  We swam, we ran, we biked, we danced, we played games. We watched many, many episodes of America's Funniest Videos, the one show that transcends language.  We listened to Zac Brown Band everywhere we went.  We baked cookies and pumpkin bread. We heard the kids SCREAM as they played Xbox Kinect Sports and Sergey threw the javelin completely out of the stadium.  We had Nerf gun wars, played hide-and-seek, and mulched the entire yard.  We won a Wally Ball Tournament.  It was the best month any of us had ever had, and it almost killed us when he left. I couldn't pass by his bedroom door and had to sleep downstairs for a while.  Liv didn't even want to come home, since he was supposed to be here but he wasn't.  It was hard.

At the train station saying good-bye.

We knew without a doubt, without a conversation, that we wanted to pursue adoption. Clint had made some calls before Sergey had arrived as to whether or not he would be available for adoption (I had assumed he would be since he was not labeled as "host only").  Sadly, we ended up finding out that he was not available.  He needed to be on the national registry for a year in order to be adopted internationally, and unfortunately he had not been placed on that list when he had entered the orphanage as a little boy.  We worked to get him on that list, but it didn't officially happen until February, so we knew we would be waiting at least until February 2013 before we could start the process of adoption.  However, at that point, we knew that WE wanted to adopt him, but we didn't know if HE wanted to be adopted by us.  In Ukraine, the final decision as to whether the child can be adopted or not is given to the child himself, so we needed to know how he felt about it.  On the plane ride on the way back to the Ukraine from the United States, the chaperone asked Sergey if he would want to be adopted by us, and he said (in typical non-emotional Sergey fashion): "I would not object to that."  :-).

OBX Wally Ball 2013 Champions.

We hosted him again this summer, from the end of June through the end of July.  Again, it was a glorious month, full of fun and laughter, laced with heartache.  We were able to talk about adoption this time, and he confirmed what he had said earlier, that he would like to be adopted.  In case you are wondering how this conversation was able to happen without a common language, it was with the AMAZING help of our friend Emmanuel.  A mutual friend put us in contact with him, but it was definitely a God-ordained connection.  Emmanuel had moved here 11 years ago from Ukraine, and is a pastor here in Richmond.  He and his wife and two sweet boys have become an integral part of our story and we are beyond grateful for them and their kindness to us and Sergey.  He also helps us talk to Sergey when he is in Ukraine - we had a phone sent to him and we have a three-way conversation once every few weeks, where we check in and see how he is, and to let him know we are still here and are still coming for him :-).  As many of you know, he is not a huge conversationalist, but hearing his voice is the best thing ever.  Ever.

Corolla Family Reunion pic

So this brings us up to today, and the few posts that I have posted since he has been gone.  We just found out that he will be off the registry on March 2, 2014, so that will be the date that we can officially start the process of adopting him.  We have a finalized home study and I600 that we just sent off this week, and will start working on our dossier soon. We don't want to have it done too early, or it could expire before we are able to complete the adoption.  One other wrinkle is that you cannot be adopted in Ukraine if you are 16 (he turns 16 on July 29th). However, if you have submitted certain forms before the child turns 16, you can still complete the adoption, so unless there are other extenuating circumstances, we should be okay even if he turns 16 during the process.  As you probably also know, adoption is not cheap. The grand total for the whole process, including our three hosting times, is $42, 490. Of that total, we have already raised $19,612.  We will continue to work towards our goal, praying for folks to come along side of us in this journey, knowing that God will provide.

Our link to get 7% is www.playtennishanover.com/amazon. Please shop and share!!!

These were the bare details - there are so very many layers of story, of details, of decisions, of blessing, underneath and above all of these details, and we are always happy to talk to anyone about them.  Our hope in sharing this journey with you is that you might be encouraged in some way - to trust God in something He is calling you to, to reach out and love one of the many orphans in our world, to engage in supporting justice to help children be able to stay with their families, or just to believe that God loves you DESPERATELY and has a plan for your life, whether you are at a place right now of great hardship or great blessing.  We have definitely experienced both along the way, and I am convinced that the valleys and peaks are just going to get lower/higher as we continue to love this dear boy that God has given us to love, however that is going to look.  We hope you will join us for our journey and invite us into each of yours.  I think it's going to be quite a ride.