What we did today :-)

19 Observations from a day of mountain biking at Belle Isle with my son

1.  Sergey is 15 years old.

2.  I am not 15 years old, nor have I been for quite some time.

3.  Sergey is a fearless 15 year old.

4.  In the time since I, too, was a fearless 15 year old, apparently I have picked up one or two fears, including plummeting to my death over the side of a trail on a mountain bike.

5.  When you are a fearless 15 year old, everything fun is even more fun when you go faster.  And without hands.  Even if you've never really spent much time (any time???) on a bike before.

6.  The statement: "You go first. I will FOLLOW you," to try to work on the English word "follow" may not have been the wisest thing I've ever said.

7.  I have forgotten what it feels like when something is probably beyond your physical capability, but you do it anyway.  I forgot how fun it is :-).

8.  There is a fearless 15 year old who still lives somewhere deep inside of me (most of you have never met her).  She is the one who jumped off of a bridge hundreds of feet in the air, headfirst into a river in New Zealand, with only a rope tied around her ankles.  And then did it backwards because that is even more fun. That girl? She had a REALLY good time today.

9.  Seeing your son look over his shoulder every few minutes as you are riding along, to flash you that smile? Yes. It's awesome.

10.  Despite being strong, coordinated and athletic (Sergey, not me :-), there are certain things that simple physical laws declare you unable to do.

11.  When these laws assert themselves, a few timely wipe-outs are actually a good reminder to a 15 year old that he is in fact mortal. And that falling actually hurts.  Not that it stopped him for one second, but I think that one fall in particular took a few years off of my life.

12.  Riding on a path when you have no idea where you are going and two sketchy guys pass you is a lot less frightening when you are with someone who outweighs you by 15 pounds and is about ten times stronger than you.  And did I mention that he is also fearless? ;-)

13.  Never race against someone who is more than 25 years younger than you.

14.  It's very nice to have someone to catch you when you are careening down towards the swollen and raging river after you slipped on the rocks because you were dumb enough to wear flip-flops on a hike (it's me wearing the flip-flops, in case you couldn't guess).

15.  It's also very nice to have someone who insists on running back and getting your bike for you after you hiked further down the trail a bit.

16.  Falling off of a bike hurts.

17.  Richmond is a very cool city with lots of interesting people who almost always smile back at you when you smile at them.  :-).

18.  Riding home exhausted, sweaty, incredibly dirty, a little bloodied (both of us) and probably completely covered with poison ivy and God-knows-what-else, with all the windows down and your new son next to you, handing you a strawberry each time he takes one for himself (from his very dirty fingers to your even dirtier fingers), while blaring "Turn Down for What" on the radio?  It's pretty much a perfect thing to do.

19.  Last observation - he might be the one who is 15, but only one of us had to nap this afternoon. And it wasn't me.  And please look at the last picture we took below and TELL ME who looks more tired.  Boom.

I only wish you could somehow see how fast he was going.  Oh my.

I took this ...

And then he insisted on taking this :-).

Seven Observations from Seven Days (this one's from Clint)

Family and Friends - 

I really appreciate the prayers, emails and texts over these last weeks .  I have needed them.  It has helped me tremendously as I hopefully face the end of the overseas adoption process and the start of a new chapter in my family's life.  

Short summary of trip status and then 7 observations from my first 7 days with Sergey  

We are still in Kiev (day 11 of 12 days, and heading home tomorrow!!!). The city is calm as far as violence and demonstrations.  People think things will heat up as the general election (May 25^th) gets closer.  Life is not calm in other parts of the country.  I read kyivpost.com for more in-depth updates and it is rocky and seems like it will be for awhile.   It is not going to be easily solved here.  Please pray for this land and its unification.  God has gently reminded me over the last days that while my issues are real (and have brought some anxious moments for sure), the friends I have made and the people I have met have faced this for months and stare down a very uncertain future. Lord willing, I will be back in the USA in a few days with a new, more appreciative view of my government.  I could literally sense a deeper physiological experience during my 30 minute meeting in the US embassy today.  God has used all of this to help me to get me over my own issues and has led me to greater prayer for others.

Seven Observations from my first Seven days with Sergey

First-- I am very glad that I am the one that is on this trip.  Independent of the security issues which would have led me to come last minute, Jen and I decided it would be better for me to spend this concerted time alone with Sergey at the beginning.  I am extremely grateful to my church for allowing me the time to go here and be with Sergey as he became my son.  Without going into his story (I am learning that I should not be oversharing what is his story), it is really important that Sergey and I connect as men.  While he is only a young man (though 16 in two months), he and I need this time.    I see him looking to me to lead and direct him (even though this is his country and he speaks the language). I am trying to embrace that role for him.  There is definitely a dance that is clumsy at times in beginning a new parental relationship with a 15 year-old.    And I am not the most forceful of guys.  Pray for me for this in raising all my sons and my daughter but especially this new one.

Second-- "Clint."   Usually when Sergey sees something he likes (a motorcycle,  a cool car, something unusual he spots on the street, a silly video (the kid is the target audience for AFV),  he calls my name out "Clint' in that cool Eastern European accent.   I imagine for a long time and maybe forever he will call me  “Clint”.   I am alright with that.  It fits our present relationship.  Would I be honored if he feels one day he can call me "Dad"?  Absolutely.  But I have open hands here.  Some kids who are adopted say ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ almost immediately.  Sergey is not that kind of person.  And it makes sense to me. Maybe I am not that kind of person.  I have not always been his father, and Jen has not always been his mother.  I have a decree from Ukraine that I am praying is ratified by the US government that says that I am NOW his father, and I will always view him and treat him as my son.  But I have BECOME his father.  Jen has BECOME his mother.    Adoption is a beautiful thing (see our relationship with our heavenly Father not by birth but by action of a loving God).  He has become our son.  He knows this.  He agreed to it. But man it is kind of weird especially when you are walking around with a nearly 16 year old young man who you really don't know.  So yeah it is fine that he calls me Clint.

Third--Elevator Races. Sergey loves games.  More than that, he loves being silly and goofy.  I am not a goofy person or a silly person.  I wish (and so does my family) sometimes I was more-- especially these days.  So, I have tried a few things to embrace this in order to connect with Sergey.  The best one by far since I have been in Kiev is the elevator race.  We are on the 4th floor.  There is an elevator that I am sure hasn't been inspected since the Cold War.  It barely fits two people so I don't want to ride it at all and especially not both of us together.  So, instead of making us walk the stairs and make a big deal of it.   God gave me a silly idea.  I race the elevator up and down via the stairs while he rides in it.  If it is a fair race I can win easily going up and it's a draw coming down.  He almost always cheats by running up to the elevator now because he knows he can't beat me.  And don't think for a minute I am going to let him win on purpose.  I am Clint Dowda-- I don't do that.  I lose but I don't let you win.

Fourth--English is a very hard language to learn.  Since we got to Kiev on Friday, we have started learning English through a Russian textbook that teaches you the language.  Now, Russian is hard, no doubt.   I have about 10 words down.  But English is really hard too.  It is hard to teach especially when your mastery ain't so great.  Today, he laughed his great long laugh when I told him he was wrong about the plural of meat being meat only to find out that I was the one who was wrong.   There is no "s" there.  Well, I checked again tonight (I just felt right--another Clint Dowda character issue-- having to be right) It turns out we are both right. "Give me a plate of those meats and cheeses fine sir."   I won't let him know.   

We are tackling 10 pages a day in two chunks.  It takes 2 hours a day. Believe me when you can't speak the same language and have wide open days it is a good thing to do.  Did I mention that I wasn't silly?   Today we only did 8 pages and I could tell Sergey thought he had won a victory. I will get him with 12 tomorrow.  I actually won't because now he counts the pages.    

Fifth-- Spiritual needs part 1.  I will start with myself.  Our church motto is:  Drawn together by grace for delightful, dependent and dangerous living.  I know it well.  I helped write it, I've taught on it, and led on it.  But I have experienced it in new ways these 8 days especially the dependent and dangerous part.  Friends, it took a work of the Spirit of God for me to get on that plane in Dulles last Monday night.  I knew I had to do it (wanted to do it for Sergey and our family) but there was a part of me (and not a small part) that almost couldn't do it.  It was and is dangerous here.  I knew that going into it.  I weighed delaying going until it was less dangerous.  I received a moment of clarity before I left for Ukraine on the church’s  men's retreat as we sang this new song to our church:

I Will Follow  (Jon Guerra, Jacob Sooter)

When the sea is calm and all is right
When I feel Your favor flood my life
Even in the good, I'll follow You
Even in the good, I'll follow You

When the boat is tossed upon the waves
When I wonder if You'll keep me safe
Even in the storms, I'll follow You
Even in the storms, I'll follow You

I believe everything that You say You are
I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart
In the good things and in the hardest part
I believe and I will follow You
I believe and I will follow You

When I see the wicked prospering
When I feel I have no voice to sing
Even in the want, I'll follow You
Even in the want, I'll follow You

When I find myself so far from home
And You lead me somewhere I don't wanna go
Even in my death, I'll follow You
Even in my death, I'll follow You

When I come to end this race I've run
And I receive the prize that Christ has won
I will be with You in Paradise

I will be with You in Paradise

I was saying:  "I don't wanna go" (at least not right then--- “Can't I wait God? It makes good sense to wait!” and it some ways it did).  I knew God was saying-- "just go… whatever may come...follow me to what I have called you to." And so I followed Him to Ukraine.

But friends I have still struggled.  Our decisions to follow Jesus where He calls us do not take us away from danger or make everything easy (often, far from it).  I have rarely been this despondent and desperate in my life.  I am sure my wife and others who saw and heard me could tell especially those first few days. I cried out to the Lord for everything.  I mean everything:  to take the steps to get on that first plane ride, for every person I saw and interacted with on the plane and in the airport, for my family at home, for the car rides, for the judge to show up, for the air in the tires to withstand 25 km of potholes, for the ability to sleep, for the people I passed on the street, for the plans that were being made for me to come to pass.  Not everything "worked out" the smoothest way possible.   But in the good and in the bad, I have learned in greater measure what dependency looks like, what it means to truly believe and live as if all of life is dependent on God, and to face danger in its various forms when called by God.  I can feel that slipping away already in Kiev.  Look, I wish no danger or ill will to befall me or you, but I do long for that union with God.   I long to sing this with clarity of faith:

"I believe everything that You say You are

I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart

In the good things and in the hardest part."

Sixth--Spiritual needs part 2.  When I told Sergey that we would be going to church on Sunday—he was not super happy.  I said to him even though I knew he would not understand it all “you do know that I am a minister.”  He went along with me (he goes along with most things pretty easily) but showed no sign of interest in the service.  It turns out a church that my denomination had a huge part in starting 15 years ago was less than a mile away. Our denomination has helped start 8 churches in 4 cities over the last 20 years which was great to connect to as well.  I'm sure Sergey would be very impressed :-).

Anyway, most of the service was in English which made it harder for Sergey to follow of course.  But the sermon, unusually so for this church, was in Russian and translated into English.  I prayed a lot for Sergey during that time to be able to understand and connect.  He seemed pretty out of it honestly—disinterested even.

 Like many things in his life, I simply do not know what he has experienced and what he thinks to know how to help or guide him.  And so I am right in the place I need to be dependent on God and in prayer.   It reminded me that Sergey has his own spiritual journey that he has been on (not one connected to the church much) and one that we join him on as a family.  Just like in life, we are not meant to journey alone to and with God.  He will be going to church in Virginia (perhaps with those faces again) but I trust him to our gracious God and a wonderful community at our church (and in Hanover).  Literally hundreds of people in our county pray faithfully for Sergey and have for a long time.  What a blessing for him to enter into such care.

Seventh-- praying for a lot more than 7.  It feels a lot longer than a week ago that I picked up Sergey.  We have been through a lot together in some pretty tumultuous times already.  I pray for many more times and days together as a family (maybe not under the threat of Russian invasion though J). 

It won’t always been easy.  It hasn’t already and I am not just talking about life in Ukraine.  While there is a moment of exaltation when you receive the court decree and you start life together as a family (and it is a moment that transcends that initial moment like the way  a birth of child does). It is life we have to live.

He and I have both gotten on each other’s nerves already.  I have been frustrated with him at some moment almost every day this week.  I know just like my other children I have exasperated him.  I have pressed too much, too far, too early.  I couldn’t take his bad table manners the other day (he fits right into our current crew at home—it would make my grandmother cringe), and just had to correct him—but really, did I need to?  Well, I am his father and I need to show him how to eat (and I do. But seriously.  Then today, he was picking at some scabs (he might truly be my son that’s a common bad habit we share).  I google translated that if you keep doing that it will lead to scars and showed him one of mine.  He looked at my scar, looked at the google translate message and gave the thumbs up!  He wants the scars.  I just had to laugh. 

Seven more days and I will know more and he will as well.  I pray there are 17,000 more and then an eternity together as a whole family growing in knowledge of love of each other and Christ.  I am not under any delusion this will be easy.  It will be rocky.  It is dangerous for all of us.  I was reminded of that as I left Jen and the kids nine days ago.  It was cemented to me even further as Sergey said goodbye to his friends (some decade old friendships) with great hugs and affection.  Sergey has truly risked in leaving his life here and his country for our family and our land. We are on this adventure together.  And I in truth am like Bilbo Baggins and the Hobbits who  “…never had any adventures or did anything unexpected: you could tell what a Baggins would say on any question without the bother of asking him. This is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, and found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours' respect, but he gained--well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.” 

We have gained a son and Sergey has gained a family.  And we will see in time all that all of us have gained together. 

He's (almost!!) our son!!!

Back at his school before saying goodbye

Today was our court appointment, and everything went smoothly.  It is hard to imagine that all of this is really happening and that we are only (hopefully!) less than two weeks to having Sergey as our son.  Today still kind of seems surreal, but I will try to paint a bit of a picture - again, I wish every single one of you could have been here with us, but since you weren't, I'll try to tell you about it :-).

We got up this morning and headed to meet Alyona and Svetlana at the notaries office.  We got a form filled out and notarized and then hopped in the car to head for Sergey's orphanage. We picked him up, as well as his social worker, and drove to court, about an hour away.  Our appointment was at 2:00, and we got there exactly at 2 :-).  We had to wait a bit for the second witness, but I think we got started around 2:30 and the whole thing lasted about an hour, including the time when the judge and jury (the two witnesses) left for deliberation.  Alyona did a great job of preparing us for exactly what we would be experiencing, so it didn't really feel scary, just a little bizarre.

I can tell you more about it later, but since we have to be up in about 5 hours to fly home (feels like we LITERALLY just got off the plane here), I might keep this a bit shorter than usual ;-) - I know, I know, hard to believe.  But I'll try :-).

There is one image that will always remain in my mind when I think of today: that of Sergey, standing there by himself on the stand, answering the judge's questions.  I didn't realize that he would be questioned so much - I had thought it would be mainly me and Clint.  I thought the questions that the judge asked us were pretty straightforward - most of it was just "busywork," reading the court applications, etc.  The part that made my heart want to leap out of my chest was watching my (almost official) son standing there.

The judge asked him some straightforward questions as well, but he also asked a few that caught me off guard, and broke my heart at the same time, questions like "How do you feel about this family adopting you? (he said he loves us :-), by the way :-), and "How old were you when you found out your father was dead?"  He answered them all so calmly, with such poise, and with such amazing honesty and beauty. I was so proud of him it literally took all of the self-control I have to not jump up and squeeze the stuffing out of him.

The one question that I think literally caused me to stop breathing, though, was this: "Why do you think your mom never came to visit you in the orphanage all of those years?"  I think until that moment I had not really let it sink in what has happened to this sweet boy in his lifetime.  He is so kind, so content, so resilient, so easy-going, that I just don't really think very often about what his life has looked like.  To see him stand up on that stand, in his white sweater, his new hair cut, standing up so straight and tall - it gripped my heart and made me feel like I couldn't take a breath.  The heart ache and the love and the pride and the amazement - all wrapped up in one moment - it is hard to even put into words.

The one question that the judge asked me that did take me a bit by surprise and will truly stick with me was this: "Will you ever look back and wish you hadn't done this? Will you ever regret adopting this boy?"  As you can imagine, I was able to answer that very quickly :-).  However, the hard part in answering it was that after I told the judge adamantly NO I will never regret it, I wanted so desperately to turn around to Sergey and say it to him as well.  I wanted to look him in the eye, to repeat it to him, to make sure that he knows that NO MATTER WHAT we will absolutely NEVER regret this decision. We will NEVER wish that we hadn't adopted him. We will ALWAYS love him, and he will ALWAYS be our son.  NO MATTER WHAT.

The hard truth is that we don't know whether or not he will ever really truly be able to believe that.  Most likely, he will struggle, we will struggle, and we will all struggle together. At this point, we don't know the size or extent of that struggle, but I don't think that many teenage adoptions - or any adoptions, or any kids living through their teenage years in general ;-) - go perfectly smoothly.  There will be things that will be hard, and we don't know whether or not he will ever truly believe that we love him.  We don't know if he will ever be able to really love us in return.  We don't know if he will ever truly feel like a part of our family, or if he will ever feel like this is really his home.  He may leave our family at some point, we could possibly come to a point where he leaves our family for good without keeping in touch (this has happened to PLENTY of loving, wonderful families who have adopted children).  He may end up on the streets, he may end up in an institution, he may end up moving back to Ukraine when he turns 18.  Honestly, I don't think any of these sad things will happen, and I am super hopeful that all of the good loving things WILL happen, but I am willing (I think) to face the honest reality that they really might.  If you base it on statistics of children adopted as teens, there is a decent chance that sad things could happen.

But what I want to say here at this point, to myself, to my family, to each of you, is what I said to that judge today, what I wished I could say to Sergey today: We will NEVER wish we had not adopted this boy.  Obviously, we hope and pray that there is never a day where he does not feel loved by us. We pray that he will feel 100% part of our family, that he will find a place in our world, that one day he will be able to have a job, and to get married, and to have a family of his own.  We pray for him peace, and happiness, and especially that he will come to know Jesus very soon.  HOWEVER, even if none of those things happen, if we don't get the Blind Side ending (that's for you Kelly Cecil :-), we will NEVER wish we had not done this.  We are certain that God has brought Sergey into our lives - I don't think you could read the posts on this blog and not be convinced as well - and we are certain that He has brought him to us for good.  No matter what happens from here on out, we will never look back and say that we were wrong in that decision. When we do doubt, or struggle, or cry, or falter, we know that you all will be there for us, to hold us up, to hold Sergey up, just as you have during this entire adventure so far.  It will be hard for him, much much MUCH harder than for us - he is the one who is leaving behind everything he has ever known.  He is coming to a land with a new language, new food, new smells, new everything.  We are so grateful for you all to be loving him with us, to allow him to become the young man that God is going to call him to be.  We are going to try oh so very hard to give him freedom - to love him like crazy but let him find his own path in the midst of that love, and we are so VERY VERY grateful that the love will be coming at him from all directions.  THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for being in this with us.  We could not POSSIBLY be more grateful for our family, friends, church family, and community.

PS - Quick follow up on details for those of you who like the facts - we will wait 10 days (business days, with a holiday in there as well) before he officially becomes our son. At that time, Clint will go to pick him up at the orphanage. They will do some errands like picking up his birth certificate, getting his medical exams done, getting his passport, etc, and then they will head home.  And THEN the party will begin :-).

In front of the courthouse after our appointment :-)

I. Can. Not be-WEEVE It!!!

When Sam was little, he used to have this hilarious saying (well, he had a lot of hilarious sayings, but this was one of them ).  He would say, with dramatic pauses in between each word, "I. Can. Not. Be-WEEEEEVE It (he couldn't say "l's" yet :-).  This is a story that I still find hard to believe, and it brought that little phrase to my head as I was typing it out :-). With so many of you praying for a safe trip home, I couldn't not let everyone know what happened on the way home. Even this morning it brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.  I now have 6 million things to do since I am home and now have to start doing these silly things like cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping again - I have NOT missed that!!!!

We got picked up by our driver at 6:50 am yesterday morning. He dropped us off at the Kyiv airport (which, by they way, is absolutely gorgeous, not much bigger than Richmond's airport, and looks like something out of the set of Mad Men.  Does anyone know if it is new? We were amazed by it), and we had some breakfast and waited for our flight. When we checked in, the woman told us that she would give us our boarding passes for this flight, but that we would get the rest of our boarding passes in Paris. We thought nothing of that and went on our merry way.

On our flight to Paris, we had more leg room than I ever knew was possible on a plane. In order to eat my snack I had to pick up the plate off of my tray to hold it closer - I couldn't even reach it on my tray!! I am not exaggerating, I promise.  We were on the emergency exit row, which is why it was so huge - you have never seen Clint so happy :-).  Also, yet ANOTHER reason to love Ukranians - when the plane landed, they all clapped for the pilot!!! I LOVE IT!!!

We got to Paris with plenty of time for our next flight - we didn't have a huge layover but definitely plenty of time to make it. We didn't stop to eat or go to the bathroom because we wanted to get checked in and see if there was any chance of moving our seats (we had been assigned the middle seats in the middle section - pretty much death for a long trip like this, and had lots of folks praying that they would get changed).  We went up to the ticket counter and there were two other people waiting in line. There was no one working at the counter (someone told us they said they'd be back soon), but there was nowhere else really to go, so we just waited. We took turns heading to the restroom, because we ended up standing there for over 30 minutes before anyone came to help.  At that point I was getting worried because I was afraid we wouldn't have time to get something to eat (in case you haven't noticed, it pretty much always comes back to food, for me :-).  By the time the lovely French woman finally came to help us all check in, there was an ENORMOUS line behind us.  She helped the two folks in front of us, and then we were next. We told her that we needed boarding passes since they hadn't given us any in Kyiv, and we were wondering if perhaps we could get aisle seats (the folks in front of us had all gotten new seats so we were hopeful).  When we told her we didn't have our boarding passes yet, she gave us a strange look and started typing away on her computer.  The next thing she said made me feel like I was going to throw up.  "I am sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Dowda.  Zere are no seats for you.  Zee plane ees full."

WHAT???!?!?!?  How could it be full???? We had our seat assignments - our travel agent had sent us all the confirmations!!!!  Turns out here is what happened: if you do not check in earlier than an hour before boarding begins, they can give your seats to someone else. We couldn't check in from our apartment that morning because we didn't have a printer to print our boarding passes. We couldn't check in at Kyiv, because the lady there wouldn't do it. And we had arrived more than an hour before boarding, but we had been standing there for so long waiting for someone to help us that we had missed the hour deadline, so apparently they had given our seats away.  She typed away some more on her computer, made a phone call, and then asked us to step aside while she waited to hear back.  We moved aside and then watched as no fewer than 400 people (I am NOT kidding - this plane actually had an UPSTAIRS on it - It. Was. HUGE.)  passed us by to check in.  We stood there and waited, and waited and waited.  We watched as they had first call, second call, third call, final call for boarding.  We saw all kinds of crazy conversations and things go on, but somehow everyone else (except for one poor hispanic lady without a visa and this one sweet older French couple) managed to get checked in and on board just fine.  And we just waited. We made jokes about not getting on the plane, and I think I had let it go in my mind that we might not get on the plane. I figured there would be a plane going to somewhere near our home at some point from Paris a little later that day, and just resigned myself to the fact that we would be facing a much less enjoyable day.

Then the lady came over to talk to us.  This other very, very sweet lady who we had watched be so kind to the hispanic woman, came over and said she had a question for us.  At this point, the only people left in the area were a bunch of Air France employees and the one older couple. The wife had a ticket but her husband was on the wait list and they were hoping to get on - as well as cheering for us to get on :-).  So the Air France lady came over to us, and said that they were looking for volunteers to give up their seats for someone who had a medical emergency. She looked at us with those kind French eyes and said "Do you have any reason zat you have to bee in zee United States today?  Would you be willing to wait and go tomorrow?  Is zere a reason you need to be zere today?"  I wanted to say "my kids," but as my eyes IMMEDIATELY filled with tears that started rolling down my cheeks when she asked that question, I realized that if I were to open my mouth at ALL and say anything at ALL I would start crying - not just tears streaming down my face but the loud, ugly, heaving and sobbing kind of crying.  I had no idea all that was in there, but apparently it was.  And I didn't want to be the crazy lady standing there sobbing, so I just kept my mouth shut and nodded that it was okay.  We were willing to let the other folks go - how could you insist on taking seats from someone with a medical emergency?  We let the tickets go, and I just concentrated 100% of my effort on not totally and completely losing it in front of all of the cool and collected French folks.

The sign started flashing "Boarding complete" and they started closing the doors and shutting things down.  I felt like crumpling in a little puddle and disappearing in my sadness (okay, now I am proofreading this and literally crying thinking about it).  I truly had NO idea how desperate I was to get home and hold my kids until she asked that question.  We just stood there, kind of in shock, realizing we would be spending the night in Paris and taking a flight the next day, when the first lady looked up from the computer and called us over.  "I can get you on zee plane" she said.  I seriously could not believe it. She was typing away like mad, then started printing out our boarding passes. The sweet older couple was still standing there and they were so happy for us - I wanted to hug them but I was pretty sure they would think that was a little odd :-).  Plus I knew I would start ugly crying all over them, and no one wants that.  So instead we just grabbed our boarding passes and ran.

I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't even look at the stewardesses who helped us on board.  I couldn't look at the people staring at us either - especially since they had been sitting there for quite some time waiting on us - we were THOSE people.  If they only knew. We walked a million miles to the back of the biggest plane I have ever been on in my life - there were rows of TEN seats, broken up into three on each side and four in the middle.  And I don't even know how many rows - a LOT.  And with all of those seats, not a single empty one.  Not one.  God got us on that plane.  He did it.  And here is the best part.

We didn't have to sit in the middle :-).

We had asked folks to pray that we wouldn't have to sit in the middle, and we didn't. We ended up in one of the rows on the edge, in the middle and aisle seats.  And are you ready for this? Guess who was sitting in the window seat with us? A young man from ODESSA.  Yes, I think he was probably the only one on that whole plane from Ukraine. He was from Odessa, he KNEW Sergey's little, teeny, tiny village, and he was just the cutest thing you've ever seen.  He was heading to Charleston, SC, where he was getting on a cruise ship. This was his fourth stint as a mechanic working on a cruise line. He said he really liked it and told us all about it.  At several points I had to sit on my hands (really, SIT on them) to keep from reaching over and hugging him.  I kept wanting to stare at him (and I did a few times - he is probably writing his parents right now about the crazy American lady who kept talking to him and looking at him).  He was a bit older that Sergey, but had blond hair and that sweet Ukrainian face.  It was amazing.

So, I think it is safe to say that God was holding us in his hands pretty strongly every single second of this trip.  He is a good God, who gives good gifts to his children, WELL WELL WAY ABOVE AND BEYOND what they can ask or imagine.  We are so grateful for all of the prayers offered up on our behalf - I hope you are encouraged by the myriad of ways they were answered.  We had one last lovely surprise upon arriving home, when we came down the runway and saw that our dear and lovely friend Pamela Rogers had come to pick us up. She drove us home and when we got out of the car, we looked up at the boys' bedroom window and saw the silhouttes of their little red heads - looking out the window holding the little electric candle that sits in their window.  I wish now I had taken a picture of it - maybe we'll re-enact it tonight and get a picture of it ;-).  We walked in and Olivia was all curled up in the chair in her blanket - all we could see what her sweet face and her beautiful smile.  Our sweet neighbor Gina was here with the kids, and the kids had put together a welcome home gift on the kitchen counter, complete with flowers, wine, Reese's Peanut Butter cups, and Jujy Fruits.  NOTHING can compare to that feeling of being home - well, I guess nothing except when that homecoming includes Sergey :-).  THAT will be quite a day :-).

Two more miracles :-), and now it's time for home :-).

I think this will be our last post from Ukraine, for this trip.  I wasn't planning on writing again after my last post, but two things have happened since then that I really want to tell you about, so here goes:

We left Odessa yesterday around 4:00 pm.  We met with the notary around noon, and then just walked around the city until it was time to go.  It was April 1st, and apparently in Ukraine that is a day where they dress up in different costumes and celebrate (our waitress at lunch tried explaining it to us), so it was especially entertaining to walk around and watch people.  There were parades and performances - my favorite was a mime who was dancing to a medley of Michael Jackson songs :-).  I have never in my life seen anything quite like it, and I will definitely not forget it :-).

The notary's office

The gathering in the middle of Odessa on April 1

One of the random people dressed in costume that are always walking around all the time :-).  This was a minion and we took this picture for you, Evan Leonard :-).

We got on the bus at 4:00 and were on it for 6 hours.  I won't go into any details of the trip, but I will just say that it wasn't the most enjoyable 6 hours I've ever spent in my life. When we stopped at the pay-to-go-to-the-bathroom place, the woman taking the money kept trying to tell us something that we couldn't understand, and a young lady behind us stepped up and helped out and then gave us a great smile.  I think that is one of the things I will miss about being here - the way that everyone has been so kind to us.  I know that this doesn't jive with what folks have told us, and especially in light of the recent political situation, doesn't make a lot of sense, but I swear that every single time people would realize that we were Americans their faces would change like they were so happy, and then they would be even nicer than they had been before.  I have to admit I'm pretty proud of the fact that no one could tell we were Americans until we spoke - I ONLY brought black to wear and I tried to look as EE as possible at all times :-).  I can't wait to get home and dress all in pink again ;-).  The point is, I had thought that we would face lots of hostility, but in fact we found only kindness and hospitality.  I don't know if this is a result of God's hand in the folks we met, or a change in overall attitude towards Westerners, but we definitely enjoyed it.  Several times we were in restaurants eating when we were Facetiming our kids at home (our time of eating dinner usually coincided with their getting home from school) and we would show the waitresses who we were talking to and they would always look so happy and wave hi :-).

ANYWAY, we took the LONG bus ride, and then around 10:00 pm we arrived in Kyiv. The schedule had said that we would get in at 10:30, so when we arrived at the station Alex was not yet there to get us.  We walked our bags around the corner to where he would meet us, and then sat them down while we waited. After a few minutes, Clint went to check on the pouch that had all of our credit cards, all of our money, and both of our passports, that he almost always had strapped around him.  He looked for a few minutes and then started to realize that it wasn't on him or in the backpack.  I went back to where the bus had been, but it was gone.  About this time Alex arrived, and we told him what had happened. Thankfully he took quick action and went into the bus station and had them call the bus driver.  We had no idea what would happen - we had to go move Alex's car because he had parked somewhere where he couldn't stay.  Clint and I ran back into the bus station lobby and were just staring at each other wondering what in the heck we were going to do, when this sweet older man walked in with a smile on his face and a black pouch in his hand.  I wanted to hug and kiss him (don't worry, I didn't - but we did give him a hefty thank you tip!!!), but instead we just said Thank you about a million times and smiled like total idiots.  I am convinced this was just a miracle - we had both been praying like crazy that God would save us, and He did!!!  Thankfully, He is a God of mercy who gives us that which we don't deserve :-).

Alex drove us to our new apartment (the last one was being used by someone else) and dropped us off.  He showed us a grocery store and a few restaurants that were still open (it was 10:45 by this point), and then he headed home.  We dropped our stuff off, went to the grocery store for some water (and pastries that we thought were yummy fruit pastries for breakfast, only to find out that in fact they were MEAT PIES!!! - Clint had to brush his teeth again after that discovery :-), and then went to the one restaurant that was open and had actual customers in it.  We laughed so hard when we saw the hours of the restaurant - 08:00 to 06:00.  Seriously? 8 am - 6 am?  We are still wondering what they are doing in those two hours between 6 and 8.  We were very happy, though, that they were open and still serving, off of a ridiculously huge and widely varied menu. It was a Tex-Mex Cantina, and they were playing only Western songs - some so old and so Western that even I, lover of all country music, had never heard them.  We laughed at almost every one, but probably laughed the most at "Cotton-Eyed Joe." :-).  We ate tons of food and drank a few beers, and were so happy to not be on that bus anymore and to not have lost all of our money and passports. On top of that joy, we truly had our best waitress we have ever had (in any country) - I think Harry got to see her on FaceTime. I wanted to take her home with me, she was so cute.  If she was still there tonight we were going to go in and get our picture with her, but sadly she was not working tonight :-(.

Our cantina - sadly you can't see the hours from here.  They actually had a "24 hour" neon sign as well - not sure if that accounted for the two hours they were closed or not :-).

Our beautiful new kitchen :-).

About half-way through dinner, I looked on my phone and there was a VK message.  VK is like Eastern European Facebook, and I am friends with both Sergey and his girlfriend on there.  I have sent him messages on there before, but he never responds (except right before our trip this time when he said he wanted to see us :-).  We don't usually use it to communicate - mostly I just use it to worry about him when I see all of the things he posts on there!!! Since he never writes me on there, I was shocked when I saw the notification pop up. I clicked on the message, and unfortunately it was in Ukranian, and my phone doesn't translate.  Needless to say, as soon as we got home I got on Google Chrome (which does translate) to see what he said.  And even thinking about it right now makes me get choked up.  The message was this: "Can you buy me sneakers for football."

His message is the one without emoticons.  Mine are the ones with emoticons.
I am sure you would NEVER have guessed that :-).

When you read this, you might think that seems a very normal request, so I need to explain the importance to you.  First of all, just the fact that he sent me a message on VK was amazing.  For him to want to communicate with us is a SUPER big deal, no matter what he had said in his message.  However, for him to ask something from us is truly nothing short of a miracle.  Each time that he has come to stay with us, I have taken him shopping several times and literally begged him to tell me what he would like.  Especially the first time he was here, when we didn't know if we would ever see him again, I was desperate to send him back with a suitcase full of things that he wanted.  Especially now that I have seen where he lives, it is very obvious that he has been given VERY little in his life, and I just wanted to spoil him and shower him with things that he wanted.  Over the course of three trips, the only thing he ever pointed to (after much prompting) was a pack of gum, which he then promptly shared with our whole family.  I realize that the reason for this unwillingness to express desire for something isn't necessarily a good thing, even though most of us would love our kids to be so unwilling to ask for stuff ;-).  He is used to not getting anything, and he even told us that his personality is such that he doesn't like to ask for things.  So the fact that he asked for something is ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLY INCREDIBLY MIRACULOUS and WONDERFUL!!!!!  (Tears as I type) - it made me feel like, just a tiny bit, he was starting to realize that he was going to be our son and that we wanted to take care of him.  Maybe not on a conscious level (probably not), but somewhere inside he knew he could ask us for something. And I cannot even begin to tell you how that made us feel.  EVEN CLINT was emotional about it.  Yes.  He was.

I went to bed feeling full, blessed, cared for, loved, as Clint spent a good chunk of time trying to help Sam with something he was trying to do back home :-).  I slept past 10, and I won't even tell you how late Clint slept.  We had a day of not-doing-much - lunch out, dinner out, some walking, shopping for gifts for folks at home, talking, and packing in between.  We just got home from dinner, and as we have to get up very early, we will be heading to bed shortly.  I almost started crying today in the shop where we were buying the gifts, thinking about how sad I will be to leave this country.  On the one hand I am INSANELY HOMESICK and almost physically in pain from missing our three kids in Virginia so much, as well as our one kid in Odessa.  On the other hand, though, I have so fallen in love with this place and will miss it so much.  I know we will be back again soon, but to think that we will only spend days here, here and there, maybe just a few more times for the rest of our lives, made me very sad.  It is such a lovely place, and it has won a place in my heart forever and ever.  As we fly out in the morning, we will be leaving a huge hunk of our hearts behind, but I feel like even when we have that hunk next to us in the airplane, there will still be a little bit of us here, in this wonderful place that we have come to love.

Praise God from Whom ALL Blessings Flow!!!

I seriously cannot believe it. If you had told me 2 1/2 months ago that I would be sitting on a couch in a little apartment in Odessa, Ukraine telling you about the amazing day we had I would have wanted to believe you, but I probably wouldn't have.  To think about all of the ways that God has led us, blessed us, shown Himself to us, and worked through YOU is almost too much to take in.  Based on the emails, texts, notes, calls and conversations we've had/gotten, I can't even begin to imagine how many prayers have been lifted up on account of our sweet Sergey.  We are overwhelmed with gratitude for your faithfulness and friendship, and don't even know how to begin to say thank you. The only way I can think of (besides saying "Thank you!!!" - THANK YOU!!!) is to invite you to live today with us - I wish that each of you actually could have been there with us :-).  Plus, this way I can look back and remember every single thing about today :-).

The cute cafe below our apartment - our door is above the roof, to the right in the corner - #21 :-)

We went down to breakfast at the little cafe that is part of our sweet apartment here (breakfast is included and it was super delicous!!), and then met Aloyna at 10:00.  This is our first time meeting her, and we had heard how wonderful she is, but she even exceeded our expectations.  She is just absolutely wonderful.  And speaking of expectations, she is 9 months pregnant!!!  When I asked her "when are you due?" she said "Today"!!!!! I couldn't believe it - we would be traveling all the way to Sergey's orphanage (a few hours) on an INCREDIBLY bumpy road with this adorable woman who is due today!!!  She was amazing - never complained and always said she was fine whenever we asked. I think I was more worried about her than she was about herself - and I think Clint was super nervous that we were going to be part of delivering a baby on the side of the road :-). Fortunately, that did not happen - if it had, I am sure I would be leading with that story :-).

We walked from our apartment about 10 minutes to the notary office to get a few papers notarized, and then we met a driver who drove us part of the way to Sergey's orphanage.  The ladies who worked at the notary office were so kind and super funny - apparently there are many folks who won't be a part of adoption notaries (I have several theories on why this is true), so it was great to have someone who was so supportive and kind.  After about 30 minutes of driving, we met Svetlana at a gas station (the NICEST, cleanest, most modern gas station I have EVER seen - right there on the side of the road from Odessa to Kyiv with NOTHING else in sight in any direction - so funny).  We hopped into her car (and both breathed a sigh of relief - she is a very calm and safe driver in a country where most drivers make me look like a slow and cautious driver) and she took us the rest of the way.  The road between Kyiv and Odessa looks pretty much like this the whole way, on both sides:

Like I said in my last post, you have never seen such lush land, but there is a LOT of it!!!  There are very few towns, and the ones that are there are far off of the road and very small.  The road is fairly smooth most of the way, but there are some pretty major potholes and dips as well.  When we finally got to the turn-off for Sergey's village/orphanage, I finally found out what our friends who have been there before have been talking about.  Potholes would be offended by calling these things potholes.  Imagine it more like this - all over the place, there are just pieces of the road completely missing.  You cannot even imagine it - I've never seen anything like it before. Needless to say, it took us QUITE some time to get to Sergey :-).

In the village

Almost there!!!

The sign for the school!!

When we finally arrived, we went into the school, up to the office of the school's social worker (got to peek in on some kids in the  middle of class, working hard).  The town's social worker showed up a little later - we were originally supposed to pick her up, but since she lived an HOUR past the school on that road, Svetlana asked if she could take a cab and meet us there, since Aloyna was about to have a baby :-).  Thankfully, she said yes :-).  So it was Svetlana, Aloyna, the two social workers, and us in the little office. This office was right off of the office of the director, so he soon came out and joined us as well.  We had all started chatting when the door opened and Sergey walked in.  My heart almost stopped :-).  We each gave him a big hug and then we all sat down again.  Aloyna and Sveta chatted with him for a while - it was so sweet to see how kind they were to him - teasing him and asking him questions trying to get him to talk :-).  He was obviously fairly nervous and uncomfortable being the center of attention, but he looked them in the eye and answered their questions in his sweet way.  It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and hugging the stuffing out of him.  Don't worry - I didn't.

One of the things I was most nervous about with this visit was that this was the time that he needed to say for good whether or not he wanted to be adopted by us or not.  He needed to write it all out, so his social worker took him into the director's office so that he could do so.  He did not hesitate at all, and the director told us after Sergey left the room that they had been asking him every day if he wanted to be adopted and he continued to say yes.  They reassured us that he was the one who changed his mind back, that they were encouraging him to come to live with us, but no one forced him and that it was what he really wanted.  I can't wait to get to read what he wrote one day!!!

After a bit, they told him that he should go to lunch so that he didn't miss it, and then he could come back and see us again.  He must have scarfed down his lunch because he was back within about 10 minutes.  Oh, I almost forgot - when he first came in and I hugged him and then turned around to face all the ladies, they were all smiling and chatting like crazy and then Aloyna said "We think he looks just like you" :-).  I don't know if he does or if he doesn't, but the looks on their faces and hearing them say that made me so proud :-).  Maybe it wasn't that he looks like me, but that he looks like he belongs with us :-).  Anyway, there were lots of papers, and questions, and stuff like that, and at one point the director told him to go back with his friends for a while and that we would call him when we were done talking.  Once he left, we were able to talk to the director more directly about Sergey, which is why he sent him away.  I think this is the part where my expectations and reality VASTLY diverged.

We talked out in the main office for a while, and then went into his office and talked even more.  Aloyna translated for us.  I can't remember the order of everything that was said, but I will try to remember everything I can :-).  Sveta and Aloyna told us on our way up the stairs that the director was a good man, and we found out that they were definitely right once we started talking to him.  It was so evident that he really cares about the children and knows them very well.  He started out by asking us a bunch of questions that showed that he truly cared about Sergey's welfare and future.  He wanted to know lots of things about our plans for him - for the future, about his education, job future, etc.  He had some great advice for us on how best to help Sergey, and what kind of a learner he is.  It was so touching how many things he told us, over the whole course of our time with him, about parenting him. He told us how much Sergey wants to please, what a good listener he is and how much he always does his best.  He and the social worker were laughing as they told a story about a field trip they went on when he was little, where they told Sergey "stay here", meaning just for a minute while they were getting things ready.  They were doing other things and then looked back and he was still standing there, all by himself :-).  I can just picture his blond little head just standing there where he was told :-).  It was so obvious as he talked that he had so much fondness for him.  As he kept telling us different things about helping him (don't expect him to be too independent since here he is told everything he needs to do, help him along the way until he really grasps how to do something, make sure to praise and encourage him, etc.), I thought how much he sounded like I do when I am giving someone instructions on how to take care of my own kids :-).  And that warmed my heart :-).

Another few wonderful things - there has been a caretaker at the orphanage who has been there since he first came who loves him so much and calls him "son."  He said that he has always been the kind of kid who is easy to love because he is so sweet and listens so well, but this one particular caretaker really bonded with him in a special way.  She wasn't going to be at the orphanage until after 5 pm today so we couldn't meet her, but we are hoping to do whatever it takes to meet her on our next visit.  We also asked the director if he could find out what she might like as a gift that we could bring for Sergey to give her as a good-bye present, and he promised that he would try to do it in a way such that she wouldn't know why he was asking :-).  I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. to hug that sweet woman.

Another warm and fuzzy - we found out that Sergey used to live with his grandmother before he came to the school, and that even when she was very old and hobbling along on her little cane she would come by every day at the first bell and the last bell.  We don't know all of the details about what happened with his mother, and probably never will. We know some things which we will keep private, but what seems very obvious to me is that God has provided several women in Sergey's life who have loved him and cherished him, and stepped in to fill a void that he had, to allow him to grow up to be the amazing young man that he is.  I am not implying that there will not be hardship and pain from not having his biological mother for most of his life, but I think that he has been shown deep love in a way that many children in his shoes never have, and for that I am truly beyond-words grateful.

And then the final clincher from the director (at which point all of the waterfalls of tears behind my eyes threatened to come pouring out) was this:  Apparently he has adopted one child.  He didn't give specifics about that child, but he said this, that if it weren't for the need to provide for Sergey's further education, career, etc, he himself would have adopted Sergey.  Looking in this man's kind eyes as Aloyna translated that to us was a moment I will never forget.  He said that he could tell just from being with us that we were good people and that we were going to provide a good home for Sergey. He told us right at the beginning that he was so very happy that Sergey was getting adopted, because he was the kind of kid who really should be in a family (I know, I know, OBVIOUSLY every kid should be in a family, and I agree, but I think I understood the sentiment behind what he was saying) - he said that he was a "good family child".  We laughed so hard together as we talked about how Sergey is NOT a big talker. I was so happy to know that my intuition was correct, that even in Russian Sergey does not like to talk very much.  The director said he really wanted us to know that, so that we wouldn't worry if he didn't talk much - that it is just the way he is. He imitated a conversation between Sergey and his girlfriend, "blah-blah-blah-blah ... " and on and on and then "Da," and then again "blah-blah-blah-blah ..." and then "nyet."  It was so funny - I knew exactly what he was saying even before Aloyna translated :-).  And it was kind of him to think of that - it gives us the freedom to allow him to be a man of few words. And in our home that is probably a good kind of man to be, because we already have several talkers (not naming any names).

We tried SO hard to get the director to give us some ideas of some things that we could bring as presents for him, for the orphanage, for the kids, for the caretakers.  He said that our donation that we give at the end of the process would be plenty, that he would use that to get what they need. I kept pushing (of course because I LOOOVE giving gifts!!!!), and finally he gave in and said we could bring laundry detergent :-).  He said with it getting warm the kids will be outside getting dirty more and they could use some detergent.  So he will be getting a LOT of detergent when we come back :-).  Those kids will be smelling good for months :-).  As we left his office, I was just so overwhelmed by thankfulness for the way that God has cared for our boy through this man and all of the other folks in this orphanage.  It was definitely not a place full of wealth, but it seemed to me a place where people were happy and well-cared for - which is a gift to my heart.

Sergey then took Aloyna, Clint and me on a tour around the school, while Svetlana (she is the lawyer and Aloyna is the translator) finished up with the business side of things.  On our way out of the building he showed us two pictures on the bulletin board that had him in them - when he was younger.  They are below :-).  Between 3 and 4 the kids have "rest time" where they are supposed to either sleep or rest, so it was very quiet.  He took us to his dorm and we walked in on about a dozen teen-aged boys in the lobby piled in together watching TV.  They all looked up at us and smiled and called out to Sergey.  He gave them that little sideways smile and showed us his room. There were bunkbeds in his room - a total of 5 beds - that were all perfectly neatly made up with matching quilted navy blue comforters.  I wanted to get better pictures, but I figured he was painfully aware of all of the boys staring in at us, so I just clicked a quick one of him and Clint :-).  I'll take more next time when all the boys aren't right there.  He had his own set of shelves at the foot of his bed (he sleeps on the bottom), and all of his things were neatly set up.  The director told us that Sergey was usually a very neat child who took good care of things, but that sometimes he could be a little messy (we have seen both of these things in our house when he has been with us :-).

We walked back through the lobby and walked down the stairs in front, when we heard someone call out to us and turned around. There was the cutest boy ever running out of the building towards us.  He came up and introduced himself and then said "Nice to meet you" in perfect English :-).  His name was Sasha, and he told us that he had been hosted in Colorado.  We asked him if he was friends with Sergey and he said "Yes!! Good friends!!"  He seriously could not have been any cuter or more earnest - my heart ACHED when I heard that he was already 16 (which means he can no longer be adopted).  However, I found out this evening though our New Horizons Facebook page that he was indeed hosted and offered the chance at a family, but didn't want to leave the siblings he had there.  That lessened my pain, knowing that he had been given that opportunity, but when I think of all the kids there who have not been offered that chance, it is hard to handle.  We saw the boy Igor who had been answering Sergey's phone (not the Igor who just got adopted), and we are going to keep trying to get him hosted.

Sergey and Sasha :-)

Sergey walked us back to our car where Svetlana was waiting for us.  We had brought a bunch of presents and had given him his already (he loved it :-), and had given the director his.  However, we still had 4 bags full of things for the kids and the caretakers.  Sergey said he would take them to the director for us, so that he could hand them out as he wished.  We talked a bit about the fact that we would see him again soon - hopefully just a matter of weeks until we have our official court date.  Aloyna told him that he would need to wear something nice, so he asked us if we would bring him some black pants and some shoes.  He has hardly EVER EVER EVER asked us for anything, so I know that he must be taking this seriously.  Nothing will be more fun that going to buy those shoes and pants :-).

We each hugged him goodbye and got in the car.  He walked away with the four bags in hand, off towards the director's house.  He walked for a while as we got settled in the car, and then turned around one more time to see us.  I had to seriously swallow some sobs, and could have cried for hours, but instead I tried to focus on the fact that we will see him again in just WEEKS!!!!!  And then soon after that, he will be in our house for good - so we don't need to cry!! Right???

Our view as he walked away - he had just turned the corner when we snapped this

After a LONG drive back to Odessa (we had to take a 2 hour detour to pick up another set of papers), we finally got home about 7:30 pm.  We had not eaten since that French Toast, so we went out and celebrated at our favorite restaurant, called The Steakhouse :-).  I had the best salmon I have EVER eaten, and Clint had another steak :-).  To give you some idea of how inexpensive it is - the salmon only cost twice as much as the ice cream you can get for dessert :-).  And Clint might have had one or two of those $1 beers again :-).  We had another adorable waitress who chatted with us quite a bit and let us practice our few words of Russian on her :-).  And now here we are - listening to Zac Brown, Facetiming our kids, and writing up this blog.  God is so good.